My exit speech and repatriation anxiety (at length, PART I)

On the plane...

What just happened?

In some respect, it is all becoming a blur to me.

It's not a blur in terms of the whole "it seems like just yesterday I was arriving in Hong Kong for the first time..."

It's a blur in my head... all of my experiences and emotions are blurring together. However, I keep having these flashes of conversations or smiles on peoples' faces or uncontrollable laughter popping into my head and at what seems like lightning speed.

I got very busy this last month and blogged maybe once? I wanted to blog so much more, as I feel like I was probably overflowing more with ideas, emotions, revelations, than ever before; however, I was also ok with it. Maybe I didn't need my blog as a source of accountability as much as I did early on in my experience. Just maybe.

You really just don't get it until you live here. Here? Am I still in Hong Kong? Right now I am. I get this knot in my throat thinking of not being a HK resident. That's really strange to me. At this moment, everything I know is HK. But wait... I just relinquished all things technical related to my position there, aside from my valuable, time-saving, even decent-photo-bearing HK government ID card. Why do I still have that? Will it be void after my visa expires? I guess I won't know until I come back. "It" seemed to know everything else and was even linked to my thumbprint, aiding in rapid entry into and exit from HK. What a concept.

My heart also dropped for a split second when the teller cut up my Hang Seng Bank card when I closed my account today (Tues. 24May), proudly walking out of the University branch with an envelope of the money I had saved. Yes, I managed to save a fair amount of money considering my rent was about 40% of my income! That part felt good, but the knot came when I thought "how am I going to pay for things?" "Will I ever get to say 'EPS ng-goy' again?" Plus, because I was only getting paid in one lump sum each month and paid for everything with either my EPS card, cash, or my Octopus (transit) card, i.e. no credit card, I had become a lot better at budgeting my finances. SHOCK!

Speaking of Octopus card, also a "what a concept" topic, I didn't turn it in to get my balance and deposit back. I ran out of time, but I did have the brilliant idea to spend my meager $40HKD balance as well as into the $50HKD "red" that is what initially paid for the card all at Starbucks ("Tsim-bahk-urrrrh" in Mandarin) where I got my pre-flight dinner, coffee, and water. Good one, Jodie! I will miss the convenience of that card and the convenience, low cost, efficiency, and speed of the HK transit system in general. The rest of the world should take note.

Yesterday (Mon. 23May) I turned in my CityU staff card. Unlike my HK ID card, the photo on my CityU card was bad! I looked like a prisoner, no joke. However, I still got sad when I gave it to Ms. Ankie CHAN at Human Resources. (P.S. Everyone's surnames are always in all caps... I just realized I still wonder about that. It does make it easier to know which is the surname and which is the given name. Maybe I'll do that from now on, ha ha ha. Anyway...) Then, for the rest of Monday and into Tuesday I know I had a smiling -- but sad -- expression on my face every time I rang the bell to gain entry into my office or lab. Whoever would answer would exchange the same expression with me. They were used to that. We (scientists?) are used to that too. There were only two people on campus with which I shared intense emotion upon saying goodbye on my last day... Alice and Dave. I had already said goodbye to my collaborator and colleague, Shuhong, while I was visiting her in China last week. The other goodbyes I had on campus today were just smiles, hugs, and thank-yous. I left boxes of chocolate in the office and lab... it was not big deal, really. I even skipped several goodbyes and didn't think much more of it.

Alice is my stoic friend. I did see on my last day, however, one gigantic tear roll down her cheek when we hugged goodbye. I know she is an emotional person. I have never doubted that. I saw her cry one other time when she and her boyfriend broke up. For the most part, you just have to really know Alice in order to know if she's happy or sad about something. There will be no overt signs that a regular person could decipher... you just have to know her, and she's a tough shell to crack. Trust me, I do like to tap, tap, tap, knock, knock, knock... let me in... with the people to whom I become emotionally connected. But, sometimes Alice and I will sit together, have a coffee, and barely say a word. I think we liked that about our friendship. I did at least. It was comforting. Even though sometimes her stoicism confused me or even put me off when I was in a particularly vulerable state, I don't think I doubted that she cared. She gave me a lot in terms of a friendship and professional relationship, as she was also my technician and assistant at times. I hope I gave her what she needed too. I think I did, actually. Maybe I'll never know.

My other close relationship on campus was with my colleague/collaborator, Shuhong... Charlotte. Charlotte is her English name. This is the one we decided on after at least 2 months of deliberation after which time I promptly bought her the book Charlotte's Web. Her position ended a week before mine, and so Alice and I went with her for 4 days to mainland China before I had to pack up and make my exit from HK. Prior to the China trip, we were hard-core on the second research project, trying to finish up the first research project, and often only moments from killing one another out of frustration and sheer exhaustion. She wouldn't admit it, but I'm sure I was weighing on her nerves too. We were just tired. We did work well together though, and we developed a very special bond and friendship. I cried when I left her in China. In my eyes, her life is a bit of a shit-storm, and I think I'm especially emotional about that aspect, leaving her back in her home country where her situation is less than ideal, to put it lightly. I know she wants more out of life but feels stuck. I really think that is what made me the saddest.

Most of my other relationships in HK were off campus.

Dave. I call him Dave. That is strange, actually. Come to think of it, no one else I worked with at CityU called him Dave. This written stream of consciousness isn't about the name, really, but rather it is about who this person is. This person is so high up on a pedestal in the eyes of most people who know him. I'm not joking. In most respects, he is quite elevated in my mind as well. This is the scientist I've looked up to since 1997 when I first decided the physiology of fishes was the most interesting topic I had ever studied. He wasn't Dave to me then. He was Professor D.J. Randall because that is how I saw his name on all of the papers he wrote and the numerous book series he edited. He was the scientist in my field for decades. I was so excited when I signed on for my PhD program at UBC as I'd be working with one of D.J. Randall's former PhD students who was a professor there. My Master's supervisor wasn't thrilled about my decision and even said "you know, it's not like you're working with D.J. Randall himself, it's just his former student." Now, here I am 7 years after that comment, and Dave is not only a colleague and collaborator but someone I would call a close friend. We've had some of the longest talks about anything and everything, even beyond science... in fact, often beyond science. He's always been a no bull-shit kind of guy, but I also think he's believed in me from the start. I've never known his reasoning, but I've always felt like I've had him in my corner so to speak. Today, I tagged along with him for a lunch he had to attend for some general education administration so that we could chat and spend some last bit of time together before my flight. We talked mostly about research. Then at one point he apologized for being so busy with EDGE (the general education program of which he is director) and for not spending more time on the research with me. Later, we talked about what I got out of my experiences, and he said that he thought I've gained some more confidence in myself. That was huge and meant a lot. And he's right. I have gained some confidence in my research, for certain. Here I was in HK doing research outside the time requirements and pressure of earning a degree. However, maybe there is more pressure because now -- even more than ever -- starts the "publish or perish" mentality. I don't have time to waste sorting through ideas and slowly learning new techniques or protocols like I did (and was supposed to be doing) during my PhD. Now, you just have to do it. And when some of the research details didn't turn out as we had planned, I was able to switch gears on the fly, ending up with one very neat and complete story with one of the research projects and some incredibly interesting measurements and observations on another project that will hopefully lead to completing another good story. I feel good about what I did science-wise. What I didn't do was write other papers that I have piling up on my desk from past research. When will I get to them? Enter feelings of repatriation anxiety... more on that later.

Dave and I also talked about family, what it means to be away for so long, and not just "away" but traveling the world. The phrase is right. You can't go home. Every time, it gets harder and harder to go home to Illinois as I feel more and more disconnected from that way of life. I go there for my family and a few friends that still hold meaningful places in my heart, but even that is difficult. My life is so different than the lives of those that are there. Not better. Not worse. Just different. I cannot integrate into their lives so easily, and it's hard for them to understand my life when they are only getting glimpses of it from photos and the occasional skype or phone call. Now, I'm going home to a different home. Going home to Vancouver will most certainly be different, though. Everyone there knows more of the Jodie I am today, and I've only been gone 7 months, not 14 years. Still, life has gone on. Growth and change have occurred in everyone, not just me. I'm used to the anxieties associated with going home to IL, and I'll visit those feelings in 3 weeks when I prepare for that trip. In the meanwhile, I haven't fully articulated my anxieties about going home to Vancouver. I mentioned a few things to Kim, but I don't know I've fully explored them in myself yet.

I came to HK mainly for the career move... the science... the professional relationship with Dave, but I did a lot in personal development as well. This blog was the platform and perhaps springboard for me to grow on so many levels. I did just that.

Why have I not published this post yet? What is holding me back? Do I feel as though my work in HK is not done yet? Well, the science is not done, but science is never done. I set goals for myself from the personal growth perspective, and I feel as though I achieved them... except for the water drinking goal. That should have been the easiest... really... but I'm paying the price of failing that goal now that I'm back in Vancouver. My body cannot get hydrated enough. My lips are so dry, my skin absorbed what seemed like 5 liters of massage oil at my massage therapy the other day, and my havoc is being wreaked on my face too. I even gave myself a home facial last night in an attempt to apologize to my complexion for improperly hydrating for so long. The other goals included:

• Doing a form of fitness and/or yoga daily

This has now become so ingrained in my being that I chuckled when thinking about it. I think I logged about 180 hours of yoga in HK! I also aimed to:

• Try new classes and teachers weekly.

Some of them I loved, and some I hated. I really fell for the Anusara mixed levels class taught by Michael Lau, as some of my avid readers will already know. And, I would have never found that one had I not been pursing this diversity in my practice. Furthermore, I really grew to love Luis as a small group class trainer (Bodypump and Bodycombat) and ended up asking him to train me one on one.

To be continued...

The chin mudra after a class full of shakti

29March11, 7:15am: Bodypump with Luis
30March11, 7-8am: Hot yoga with Bernadette Leung
30March11, 9:30-10:30pm: Hatha yoga with Michael Lau
31March11, 7:15: Bodypump with Kelvin
1April11, 7-8am: Hot yoga with Martina Lee
1April11, 6:15-7:15pm: Hatha yoga with Michael Lau
2April11, 9-10am: Hot yoga with Bernadette Leung
3April11, 11:30am-3:30pm: Hiking Hong Kong trail with Nat and Esther
4April11, 7:15-8:15pm: Hatha yoga with Deva Biswas
5April11, 2:30-3:30pm: Shakti hatha yoga with Michael Lau

Ok, I thought I'd go back to the pre-blog fitness/yoga update so I stop forgetting. I have had such long, emotional thoughts (despite being more infrequent) the past few posts that I forgot for several posts. Thus, I had an immensely long list on the last post! This one isn't the shortest, though, either, as I was doubling up a few days. It just felt good. I just finished a fantastic shakti (energy of the universe) hatha yoga class and decided to sit here in the PURE lounge and write and drink water (hello slightly neglected goal #3).

So, I've been promising my virtual world as well as, most importantly, myself that I'd write about how touched I am by the chin mudra. It's been a few months, and I'd like to say that this connection came following a yoga class with a teacher I'd never worked with before... thank you goal #1!!! I was taking a particularly difficult hot yoga class with Keiki To, an instructor at PURE that is originally from Vancouver! Small world! As a side note, after class I spoke with him for a minute or two, introduced myself, told him I was from Vancouver, and the first thing he said was: "Wow, I bet you miss being able to find so much organic food!" I must exude healthy lifestyle... YES!!! I digress...

Keiki was the first to bring my awareness to the meaning behind the chin mudra, and it was this "aha!" moment where I felt as if I finally realized why I always felt this profoundly connected feeling when I saw sculptures depicting the chin mudra. Since this class back mid-February, I've thought a lot about the chin mudra, and so I'll start with my interpretation. The index finger is thought to symbolize or represent the ego or even judgment. The index finger comes together to touch the thumb, which represents intention. Bringing the ego and intention together is the purpose of the chin mudra. What does this mean to me? Well, I think that I (we) have trouble letting our ego get in the way of our intentions, letting it almost cloud our intentions. However, the ego can be for good... can give us power, strength, commitment, and so when it is brought together with our intention, we can focus our greatness in a positive, intentional way. Don't remove your ego from the equation, so to speak, but rather use it for good and never forget the role of intention. I almost always use the chin mudra when I start my yoga practice, as it allows me to bring my focus to the start of the practice, helps me with my distractions that may have been running my mind before practice started. I sometimes use the chin mudra at the end of my practice, too, as it helps if something caused me to feel particularly emotional, or if I have a challenging day ahead of me. Perhaps most importantly, in yoga at least, I incorporate the chin mudra during a particularly challenging asana or even when I'm in an asana that I do particularly well. It's not important that I do as good as the woman on the mat in front of me that can bend her feet behind her head... my intentions are not to become her. It is also not important that I already do something well. My intention is not to come to yoga to show everyone how good my left side dancer's/standing back-bend pose is. Big deal. There is someone out there that does it better. That would be my ego talking both times there, but what I can get out of that if I bring my ego and intentions together is recognizing that I can harness my strengths and use them to help me with postures that are more difficult for me and use them to balance out my other strengths, e.g. work on my right side dancer's pose. Does that make sense? Sometimes when I'm feeling particularly confident in a pose, I bring the chin mudra to my hands and occasionally, I'll fall. It's kind of funny, though, as it's a wake-up call to me that I'm leading with my ego. When I use the chin mudra, I ask myself: "What is my intention?" Sometimes I do this in the middle of a posture, and I ground myself, bring myself back to the reason I'm doing a post or the sole reason I'm in the class that particular night or at all!

Clearly the concept behind the chin mudra can be applied to anything in life. The hand position is just a means to bring our awareness to the idea behind it. Since this revelation, so to speak, I've become drawn to sculptures of the chin mudra. There is a restaurant here in HK that has several on the wall and a few sitting on the bar, and elsewhere in the restaurant. They are gorgeous and I look for one similar at every market I encounter. Ask any of my HK friends, they all know I look for "my hand." But also since this revelation, I've been reading more and more about the chin mudra, looking at images (thanks Google image) and continuing to feel connected to it. Here is what I have found so far, but in my own words...

The chin mudra (or janana mudra, as it is also called) is thought to be a connection point between the individual soul and the universal soul (God?). More specifically, the finger is thought to represent the self, rising above worldly concerns, karma or spiritual concerns, and the ego or personal concerns... to meet with the higher self or some form of a God. The thumb is understood as the utmost in connection, evolutionary progress (if we want to go scientific here), as it has the most capacity for complex function out of any part of the body. As humans, as higher vertebrates, I won't go as far to say the apex of evolution like some, but still... we have this opposable thumb for very intricate actions, and so of course it would represent intention.

I've seen it where the hand is facing upward or down against the leg or against the heart. The upward motion is perhaps to "receive" something from the universe, which I've always interpreted as receiving transferred energy. When the palms are facing upwards, it is additionally thought of as an opening of one's heart. I've also seen, when in a sitting position and utilizing this chin mudra, the hands positioned so that the palms are facing the thighs, perhaps circling one's inner energy through the body, transferring it into the body This could possibly be a good position when getting ready for a practice...??? Apparently connecting the finger and thumb to form this mudra is metaphorically like completing a circuit too, connecting the energies (prana), maintaining the flow, circling them through the hand, the body, the heart, the mind. Some even place one hand on the ground and the other in chin mudra at the chest, which symbolizes the connection we all have to the entire universe and reminds us that, although we foolishly hope to become as independent as possible, we are all interdependent. I also believe that true independence is a myth, rather we are all connected with each other in a circle that never ends, and realizing and finding your own interdependence is the ultimate achievement. Finally, there are a few pages on the internet that talk about the meditative qualities of this particular mudra, as there are such supposed "powers" of every mudra, but I'm of the opinion that it is up to your own interpretation. Some say that practicing with the chin mudra increases memory power, sharpens the brain, enhances concentration, and can aid with insomnia. I think that any form of meditation could do this if you're willing to give it a chance. It's personal, that's for sure, but when you find something that really resonates with you like I have in my yoga and now incorporating the chin mudra... you just embrace!

It's part of me

I realized that I hadn't logged my yoga and fitness since 2March11; although I keep everything logged on my iCal on my laptop and iPhone. I just wanted to catch up my blog before it got even more out of hand! March has been good!

3March11, 7:15am - 8:00am Body pump

4-7March11, Malaysia with Kelly (lots of walking, stairs to temples)

8March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

9March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga with Ocean Liang

10March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

11March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga (Silent) with Martina Lee

12March11, 10:00am - 11:30am: Hot yoga, Level-1 with Shirley Wong

13March11, 9:00am - 10:00am: Hot yoga with Bernadette Leung

14March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

15March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

16March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga with Martina Lee

17March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

18March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot Hour (Silent) with Martina Lee

19March11, 12noon - 1pm: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

20March11, 9am - 10am: Hot yoga with Bernadette Leung

21March11, 7:15pm - 8:15pm: Hatha yoga, Level-1 with Deva Biswas

22March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

23March11, 7am - 8am: Hot yoga with Serena Chan

24March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

25March11, 7am - 8am: Hot yoga with Martina Lee

26March11, 9am - 10am: Hot yoga with Shalon Wan

27March11, 9:30am - 2:30pm: Hiked the Maclehose trail, Needle Hill

28March11, 7am - 8am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

28March11, 7:15pm - 8:15pm: Hatha, Level-1 with Deva Biswas

Yoga and time makes me whine

28Jan11, 7am: Silent Hot Yoga with Martina Lee

29Jan11, 9am: Hot Yoga with Deva Biswas

I came out of this class thinking that it was a very easy class... hmmm....

30Jan11, 6pm: Hot Yoga with Anjan Kundu

This was pay-back from having an "easy" class on Saturday! If I ever thought any of the other yoga teachers of East Indian descent were tough, it's because I hadn't had an Anjan class yet. Anjan is Bengali... I'm not sure if there are different styles of yoga instruction based on which part of India you are from, but his style was crazy! It could also be because he's been practicing since he was 8 and competing for many years as well. I find the yoga teachers who compete or do talent-based yoga shows to be quite different anyway. He's tough, bossy, and has no concept of time (or enjoys making light of the passing time), which ends up making me VERY cognizant of time. I wanted it to END! Take note of this and laugh when you read my other post from today about figuring out your talents! I wrote it before this yoga class and will finish it in a bit. Anyway, it was almost ornery the way he would count down while we were holding a position... he'd pause at a number and ask us which number came next, e.g. he would say "three"... we would say "two" and then he'd say "NO!" and start counting UP again! WTF!!! (I can't believe I just wrote "WTF" on my blog, but it seems appropriate) Then sometimes he'd be counting down, "three, two" and then he'd just walk around and adjust people or maybe say something like "further" or "stretch harder." Meanwhile we're all wondering what happened to the "one" and about to curse him, at least I was. I think I even spoke out loud, "alright already" at one point. I did get into some postures I hadn't tried before and the class shook up my routine a bit. I even got all the way down into both sides of the splits with my arms straight up in the air and a slight back-bend. Yes, the yoga competitors always seem to work the splits into their classes... not the first time. Well, I promised to try a new class and/or teacher each week, and it had been getting more and more difficult to do that and stick to my usual schedule. So, I took this opportunity this weekend to do that, and I'm glad I did. I know that I'll chose Anjan for yoga class if I'm in that kind of mood. It was fine tonight, but I know that style won't always suit me. Good to know!

Convenience

20Jan11, 7:15am Body Pump with Kelvin

21Jan11, 7:30pm Power yoga with Serena Chan

8:45pm Pranayama breathing and meditation with Devea Biswas

22Jan11, 9km hike with one particularly vertical portion called Pyramid Mountain

23Jan11, 11:30am Power yoga with Michael Lau

24Jan11, 7am Hot yoga with Michael Lau

Consecutive days where I've not eaten after 10pm: 9

Consecutive days of water consumption logging: 9 (only 2 of which were 3L or more, but still...)

I wanted to talk about my meditation evening from Friday, but something just came up this evening that made me get on my computer to write.

As I've written in the past, there have been a few aspects of my lifestyle here in Hong Kong that I don't agree with but I've had to deal with until I find a solution that is in line with my values. For most of them, I have, and I am happy and proud of myself with each solution. However, there are still other situations that bother me that I cannot change... not quickly at least. For example, peoples' attitude or I guess I could say peoples' perception of convenience. Words that come to mind are the following: now, short-term, acute, immediate... There is a lot of waste, for example, and a lot of that has to do with packaging and cheaply made "now" items. There is an emotion regarding waste here too, an emotion of indifference, i.e. it doesn't matter because garbage will be shipped to China or another Asian country, anyway. That's my perception and I'm starting to see more of this unwritten animosity between Hong Kong-ese and any other Asian. So, if the garbage is going to China, who cares, because disposable is convenient!!!??? Or is it?

One particular incident came up this evening that was a true testament to the indifference I sense about waste.

Let me back up a bit... I have an induction cooker, basically a one-burner hot plate, and if you know anything about the particular models common to the apartments in Hong Kong, you know that they are major fire hazards. They heat up fast and to very, very hot temperatures... even on the "warm milk" setting. My apartment came with a few "cooking utensils" one of which was a wok/skillet hybrid... it was neither one nor the other, and so that means it didn't really have a flat bottom either, which is not good for induction cookers. That's the first strike. Strike two is that it was a teflon-type pan, for which I'm against. Thirdly, and worst of all, this poor pan had been abused, likely by the induction cooker. Teflon (or whatever brand) was coming off, and the bottom of the pan was warping. Yes, I've used this pan a few times, trying to use the area that's not been abused or else making sure whatever I was cooking was liquidy so that it wouldn't burn. I know.... I do not feel good about this decision, but there are so many things... Anyway, I had finally decided that I was going to tell my landlords about it. I have to space out my complaints because otherwise they won't be as effective, and I don't want to be "that girl" because that won't get me anywhere either, especially in HK. I had thought about just buying a small one of my own that was stainless steel or some other safe metal (our favourite cast-iron would not have been practical and does not work on induction cookers, sadly), but it was kind of that debate in my head as to whether I should be buying stuff like that since I'll only be here for another 4 months. Ugh!!! So, I took it to my landlord and they said they'd bring me a different one. There was no question. Sometimes I wonder if they just test people's limits... if they don't complain... oh well, they can continue using an unsafe pan... no problem. Anyway, they took the cancer pan and said they'd bring me a "new" one.

I went to my room, some call it an apartment, I call it a room. I proceeded to cook an egg on my other pan, which is more like a pot, such as one you'd make soup in or boil eggs in because doing that in your electric kettle is a bad idea. Trust me. I digress. I made my ridiculous dinner of one organic egg, one piece of tapioca bread toast, some hummus, and an organic carrot, a large one. I ate it. There's a knock on my door, and it's one of my maids. Yes, I have two! I have two maids! That means I have one maid per 50 sq. ft. of apartment! Emily hands me a new-ish skillet... a real skillet this time with a glass lid. The skillet is teflon but not peeling. I take it.

Emily looks around as she is standing there in the doorway and asks what happened? I presume

she means, "why do you have every piece of clothing hanging from every possible hook or bar or curtain rod in your flat?" I say, "oh nothing, I just did laundry." She asked why I didn't use the dryer, and I explained to her that I could easily just hang everything to dry. I only use the dryer for one small load every other week, and that consists of pyjamas, socks, and towels... in my mind all things that are better off dried with the dryer.

"But you pay for laundry, you should just use the dryer, it's so convenient," she says.

"Yes, but I think it's a waste of energy."

"But you paid for it."

"Well I think it's better for the environment if I use less energy."

"It doesn't matter. You already paid for it, you should just use it."

"No, I don't believe that way. Thanks for bringing me the skillet. Goodnight."

I feel good about hanging my laundry. Most of my clothing doesn't do well in the dryer anyway, such as my abundance of Lululemon work-out and yoga apparel which I LOVE! The last time my hanging my laundry came up was with my other maid and was quite a funny conversation (rather than an environmental responsibility conversation like I feel this one was). I do not know my other maid's name, and she only speaks Mandarin. So many people here can't understand here either, but she strangely thinks that everyone can understand her. One night

as I was bringing my laundry upstairs, she was apparently recalling that I hung all of my work-out wear, and made some motions of a dancer. To me, her motions looked like Flamenco, which wouldn't make ANY sense coming from a tiny old Chinese lady. After taking her with me to one of the other maids to figure out what she was saying, I finally learned she meant that she thought I was a belly-dancer. This also explains the look she always gives me with her eyes and the tiny chuckle... here, a belly dancing is not just a fitness class you can take at the gym... I demonstrated some yoga so she knew that was what I mostly did when wearing those tights, short shorts, tank tops, and sports bras. Now when she sees me, she calls me "yoga" which sounds more like "yorger." Anyway, that's my other story... quite a bit more light-hearted I'd say.

I love hanging my laundry. Not using the dryer prolongs the life of my clothing, especially the pieces with elastic-type fibres. It's not rocket science. Plus, I have this fear of shrinking my clothing as it elicits this whole other cascade of emotions in me. So, it's just easier to avoid drying most of my pieces. I guess the only time I wouldn't love hanging my laundry is when I'm cooking a delicious curry dinner, when it is simmering on the stove for hours and hours absorbing all of the beautiful spices like cumin, coriander, turmeric... rice is cooking in the rice-cooker, and so you can also breathe in that nutty steam... and I may be cutting up some fresh coriander to garnish... wait... I forgot, I don't have a kitchen and said hotplate would not be conducive to this meal... I'm dreaming. My point was that I don't like all of my clothes smelling like curry. I do love that they smell like the eucalyptus all-natural eco-friendly laundry detergent that I use and sometimes take on a bit of the sandalwood or vanilla from the incense that I burn... I also think hanging laundry is beautiful, not in my case, but in general. Here are a few gorgeous images I found with credits hyperlinked to each, as they are not my credit.

Dear body, I'm listening...

This is a hard one for me, but I stayed home from work, yoga, working out, coffee... everything... today. I am listening to my body, as I have been trying to and wrote about in a previous post: What is my body telling me. It's harder than it would seem.

I spent the day napping, reading on my computer, and filling and refilling my glass water bottle with boiling water from my kettle. Keeping it close to me kept me nice and warm when I was in the shivering stages of my fever. There was one thing that was occurring uncontrollably a couple of the times while I was trying to go to sleep for a nap. I was crying. I wasn't actively crying, per se, but tears were streaming from my eyes. Even from a scientific standpoint, I couldn't figure it out. I imagine my body just in this release mode, but I'm still a bit bewildered. I'm going to think on that a bit more.

Everything else was right on par. I still had my appetite, which never seems to go away! I wish it would sometimes, though. So, I had my usual organic yogurt and oats for breakky, a piece of gluten-free toast with organic butter, and later in the day a black bean and salsa omelette with blue corn tortilla chips. There was a snack of carrot sticks and 1TBS of peanut butter (finished the jar!) thrown in there at some point too.

At midnight, I did step out for about 10 minutes to raid the corner store that's half-block from my house. I needed a bottle of water and ended up picking up some raw (unpasteurized) orange juice and grapefruit juice, and... yes... a small container of Belgian chocolate ice cream. It felt so amazing on my throat.

Despite not being able to exercise or go to work, I still felt pretty good about my day. That is definitely one thing on my mind when I stay home, especially because I don't lose my appetite... getting my exercise in. There is a blog and Twitter feed that I follow. This guy is currently doing a 60x360x2011 Challenge for the New Year and his 40th year alive, which involves doing some sort of exercise for 60 minutes every day for the entire year and blogging at least once per month about it. Sound familiar? Anyway, his Twitter posts are great, and I've been following him for a year. So, today, I posted this comment:

"This is great, and I am enjoying following you on Twitter and here on your blog. I have been doing the same, daily exercise, but for the first time in 5 years, I have a cold. I stayed home from the gym and yoga one day this week and today stayed home from everything. What can you recommend for times like these, and do you have a game plan for if and when you catch a cold? I usually can still exercise if I don’t have a fever and if my symptoms stay shoulders and above. However, this time I have a bit in my lungs and am feverish. I know my body will be fine, but still part of me feels as though I’m letting myself down. Would love to hear your thoughts!"

and his response was as follows:

"Hi Jodie, congrats on your pursuit of wellness. It’s worth the effort, wouldn’t you say? I’ve given some thought as to how I will handle sickness, etc. and admittedly don’t have a full-proof plan just yet. I’ve found that I can typically walk through most illnesses, however, a 60 minute walk with a bad stomach flu/virus could represent a real challenge. Since my goal is to live the 40th year of my life to its fullest and to show people the role of fitness as part of a weight management program, I may have to get a little creative if I find myself in this situation. Perhaps I will make an exception and do an hour of meditation – fitness for the mind. Thanks for your note. Keep me posted on your progress. Live Well!"

I think that I'm going to incorporate active meditation into my regime if something comes up like this again where I cannot do physical exercise. I felt like I was really good to myself today, and this little bit of extra validation really helped.

Checking in...

31Dec10, 9:30am: Hot Flow Yoga with Ocean Liang

Last class of 2010, and I loved it so much. I love this teacher too... I mean, who couldn't love a yoga teacher called Ocean? I've studied in a class of hers before, and now I remember how much I really liked it. I don't think I've done a Hot Flow class ever, if so, it's been a while. It was very hard but still do-able, and I was able to challenge myself!

Incorporating a yoga or fitness class into my day has become second nature to me. I believe the "21 days to make or break a habit" idea. Although for some things, it may take a bit longer for me, but I'm really happy with how this one is going. It was easy in Vancouver. I had a strong network of other like-minded fitness "Junkies" and "yogis" and I could get around the city easily. Most people spoke English as well, bonus! So, the fact that I rose to the challenge of upholding my physical fitness commitments while here in a new city -- Hong Kong, for that matter -- makes me very proud of myself. The checks on the calendars below demarcate fitness or yoga classes/activities, and double checks obviously mean that I was crazy with energy that day!

I hesitated marking when I was in Taiwan and Australia, as I didn't want to be using those trips as an excuse for not exercising. I put them on the calendar anyway, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet... I don't think it's an excuse. I exercised the morning before I left for Taiwan, and the other two days were NUTS! I walked the city of Taipei like crazy, though and got a facial! While I was in Australia, as you all may have read in a previous post, I was interviewing for a fellowship and job for which I've been preparing (writing a proposal) for over a year. It was my first academic interview EVER! So, while I wasn't touring campus, meeting and schmoozing with scientists, giving a seminar, and having coffee, lunch, and dinner meetings, I slept and relaxed. I give myself that. I needed it, and I was proud to let myself have it. My hotel room there was bigger than my apartment, and the weather was phenomenal. So, I guess I just answered my own question. No, they aren't excuses. By putting them on there, I'm reminding myself that I am doing really well and very much enjoyed the needed relaxation time, both for my mind and my physical body!

The three goals that I have on the sidebar (left) here on this blog are for my time in HK (until May or so). Based on what I've done with Goal #1, I think that documenting my weight-loss (ok, redistribution of body composition) and water consumption would be helpful for my other two goals too. These are health-based goals, however. I am going to spend some time this weekend thinking about the other facets of my life with respect to where I am and where I'm going... stay tuned!!!

Until then, farewell to 2010... best year of my life so far... so far!!!! I will say hello to 2011 in about 10 hours... I can't wait to see how this one will unfold!

Lastly, all the best to my fellow mindful souls... thank you for reading and commenting and challenging me -- as well as yourself -- to think and keep thinking... I have loved this whole process!

Back on track

22Dec2010, 7am Hot Yoga with Shirley Wong

23Dec2010, 11am Body Pump with Juan, 20 min. sprints on treadmill

24Dec2010, 7am Silent Hot Yoga with Martina Lee

Silence is a virtue...

Water

In my research and career, O2 is the key to life, but for me, right now, I think my body is asking for water. I used to be really good about getting in 3-4 litres per day! I had an orange Nalgene bottle, one of the ones pre-BPA discoveries, and it was like an extra appendage. I had it with me everywhere and always. I've since upgraded to stainless steel and glass water bottles, but I'm not as vigilant. My good water drinking days were also in Vancouver, home of the best-tasting, cleanest, and healthiest tap water in all of North America, maybe the world! I don't drink the tap water in Hong Kong, period. That means I'm going against my previous principles and actually purchasing less-regulated, plastic bottled, wasteful water. However, I have been good about filling all of my bottles at work where we get the gigantic jugs of water brought in for the office water coolers and at my gym where the fountains are filtered. Maybe instead of "taking something away" from myself, such as coffee, I can work on bringing something life-fulfilling back in. I'm seeing Goal #3 evolving here.

Goal #3: I am drinking at least 3 litres of water per day.

Speaking of goals, doing really well with Goal #1: I am trying one new fitness or yoga class or teacher per week. I am also doing either one yoga class or one fitness class/work-out of some sort per day. I'm making up for the days I missed while in Taiwan, but otherwise I've been keeping a daily schedule. I have also been really enjoying the new types of classes and experiences with different teachers.

I'm not doing very well with Goal #2: Over the next 3 months, I will have lost weight such that I am 7kg lighter. By this time, I am also enjoying that my waist to hip ratio is within the normal range for my body size. I'm having some major blockage with this goal... not sure... need to think about it...

Rewording my goals

A wise woman... my wife... my inspiration for a lot of things in life... and I were having a conversation about goal-setting. She's been thinking a lot about this, setting many short-term and long-term goals for herself as of late. She mentioned how the wording of your goal can really influence how you work toward it and achieve it. There is something to putting the words in present tense... and I can really understand how that would make a difference. So, I'm taking this opportunity to reword my Goal #1...

Goal #1: During my time in Hong Kong, I am trying one new fitness or yoga class or teacher per week. I am also doing either one yoga class or one fitness class/work-out of some sort per day.

23Nov10, 7:15am: Bodypump class with Juan and then 20 min. cardio

I noticed my arms still look and feel strong... I really like that!

I am also currently very inspired by a friend's blog. There are a lot of incredible people on this planet. It's interesting how life's twists and turns has you encountering new kindred spirits, sometimes in a different light than before if you already knew them. I see it as an opportunity for me to learn more about myself, others, and the world we live in... each encounter is like a puzzle piece, something to strengthen or build a new part of yourself.

Keeping tabs on Goal #1...

Just so I can keep tabs, here is where I am after the first week of my yoga/fitness goal, from here on out, I'll just post the class/workout that I did that day and whether it was new, hard, comfortable, etc.

12Nov10, 7:30pm: Power Yoga with Serena Chan

13Nov10, 11:15am: Forrest Yoga with Bernadette Leung

****(started the daily fitness goal here)****

15Nov10, 7am: Hot Yoga with Michael Lau

16Nov10, 7:15am: Bodypump with Juan

17Nov10, 8:15pm: Power Yoga with Michael Lau

18Nov10, 7:15am: Bodypump with Kelvin

19Nov10, 6:30pm: Power Yoga with Michael Lau

20Nov10, 12noon: Hot Yoga with Michael Lau

21Nov10, 6pm: Hot Yoga with Holly Lee

I love Michael Lau as a yoga teacher. He's funny and can articulate what he's asking of us with the postures and breathing so well. I tried a new teacher tonight and did not like her style at all. I'm sure a lot of students respond really well to her, but I wasn't one of them.

My fitness...

In no particular order, I would like to post goals that I will strive for to the best of my abilities while I'm here representing HK resident #8,000,001.

Goal #1: I will try one new fitness or yoga class or teacher per week, while aiming to do either one yoga class or one fitness class/work-out of some sort per day.

My new gym and yoga studio both host a ridiculous number of classes each day, a few of which I've tried already. I've liked them all so far, but I've already found myself gravitating toward one or two teachers and away from a couple as well. Instead of sticking to my comfort zone, i.e.

doing classes I know I will like, or that I know I'll be relatively good at, teachers I already have had and like, for this goal, I'll branch out a bit, try one of those bizarre classes I've never heard of. For example:

"Jivamukti – Jiva – meaning individual soul and – Mukti meaning liberation – comes from the Sanskrit word Jivanmuktih – liberation while living. This yoga

method was founded by David Life and Sharon Gannon to aspire for greater peace, unity, environmental awareness and karma consciousness. Ahimsa, one of the five tenets of Jivamukti, is the core to the sacred belief in oneness of beings, urging the avoidance of harm and violence. A Jivamukti yoga class is a vigorous physical and intellectual stimulating practice that combines chanting, asanas, breathing exercises, music, meditation and practice of devotion through simple scriptural reading."

I'm not really into the chanting... not so much at all, actually... but why not? What would I have to lose? So, while reading through the class descriptions and realizing my "yeah right" response to this Jivamuktki, I thought I'd challenge myself a bit. We'll see what happens! You will definitely read about my progress.