Back to the Om...

I am embracing it I think... finally, but especially in when it is in mantra form. I am admittedly still not so impressed with it in solo form, however. Specifically, I think I'm particularly unimpressed when it seems like certain teachers try to "OM" for 20 seconds longer than anyone else in the class... to the point where their voice is crackly and scratchy... and especially because I thought it was a sound to bring everyone in the room together, not practice solo opera singing!!! You know who you are, yoga teachers! I personally prefer the togetherness of the OM but even more so the symbolism of the mantras that are often involved.

The mantra I was just reading about is Om Namah Shivaya, probably the most famous (?).

ॐ नमः शिवाय

I read a bit more about what it means after a bit of chanting that I unknowingly got myself into the past couple Thursday evenings in an Anusara mixed levels yoga class that completely, 110% empowers me. Just ask Natalie and Alice because I could not shut up about it last Thursday, and the Thursday prior, Natalie got an SMS from me exclaiming that I can do anything in the world. Anyway, I embraced the OM, finally, and it was because the whole "song" (what is it called when a mantra is sung?) that my favourite Michael Lau leads us in for Anusara class. There is a lot more to it, but it does start off with "Om Namah Shivaya" and then follows a bit about gratitude to your teachers, their teachers, and their past teachers, and so on.

Essentially, the mantra, if you break it down, represents the elements that govern the chakras, such as earth, water, fire, air, and earth. Then each piece of the sounds contained in the mantra mean something as well. They each represent a part of our "body" (referred to as mayakosa in Sanskrit). For example, "Na" refers to the whole physical body (also referred to as annamayakosa). The "ma" component refers to the prana or energy (pranamayakosa), "Shi" or "Chi" refers to the mental acumen (manonmayakosa), "va" refers to the intellect (vignanamayakosa), and "ya" refers to the blissful body (anandamayakosa). Again, the "OM" or perhaps more importantly, the silence beyond the sounds of the three syllables that make up the "OM" refers to the soul or the life within oneself.

But what does this all mean? Apparently I'm not the only one who finds the ideas behind this mantra hard to interpret.... but it has been done and is perhaps what most closely resonates with me the most broad, most general, and most appropriate for me:

Peace and salutations to that which I am capable of becoming.

Checking in...

31Dec10, 9:30am: Hot Flow Yoga with Ocean Liang

Last class of 2010, and I loved it so much. I love this teacher too... I mean, who couldn't love a yoga teacher called Ocean? I've studied in a class of hers before, and now I remember how much I really liked it. I don't think I've done a Hot Flow class ever, if so, it's been a while. It was very hard but still do-able, and I was able to challenge myself!

Incorporating a yoga or fitness class into my day has become second nature to me. I believe the "21 days to make or break a habit" idea. Although for some things, it may take a bit longer for me, but I'm really happy with how this one is going. It was easy in Vancouver. I had a strong network of other like-minded fitness "Junkies" and "yogis" and I could get around the city easily. Most people spoke English as well, bonus! So, the fact that I rose to the challenge of upholding my physical fitness commitments while here in a new city -- Hong Kong, for that matter -- makes me very proud of myself. The checks on the calendars below demarcate fitness or yoga classes/activities, and double checks obviously mean that I was crazy with energy that day!

I hesitated marking when I was in Taiwan and Australia, as I didn't want to be using those trips as an excuse for not exercising. I put them on the calendar anyway, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet... I don't think it's an excuse. I exercised the morning before I left for Taiwan, and the other two days were NUTS! I walked the city of Taipei like crazy, though and got a facial! While I was in Australia, as you all may have read in a previous post, I was interviewing for a fellowship and job for which I've been preparing (writing a proposal) for over a year. It was my first academic interview EVER! So, while I wasn't touring campus, meeting and schmoozing with scientists, giving a seminar, and having coffee, lunch, and dinner meetings, I slept and relaxed. I give myself that. I needed it, and I was proud to let myself have it. My hotel room there was bigger than my apartment, and the weather was phenomenal. So, I guess I just answered my own question. No, they aren't excuses. By putting them on there, I'm reminding myself that I am doing really well and very much enjoyed the needed relaxation time, both for my mind and my physical body!

The three goals that I have on the sidebar (left) here on this blog are for my time in HK (until May or so). Based on what I've done with Goal #1, I think that documenting my weight-loss (ok, redistribution of body composition) and water consumption would be helpful for my other two goals too. These are health-based goals, however. I am going to spend some time this weekend thinking about the other facets of my life with respect to where I am and where I'm going... stay tuned!!!

Until then, farewell to 2010... best year of my life so far... so far!!!! I will say hello to 2011 in about 10 hours... I can't wait to see how this one will unfold!

Lastly, all the best to my fellow mindful souls... thank you for reading and commenting and challenging me -- as well as yourself -- to think and keep thinking... I have loved this whole process!

Back on track

22Dec2010, 7am Hot Yoga with Shirley Wong

23Dec2010, 11am Body Pump with Juan, 20 min. sprints on treadmill

24Dec2010, 7am Silent Hot Yoga with Martina Lee

Silence is a virtue...

Over-caffeinated

It is possible.

Even drinking only one, albeit large, Americano a day lately... I think I may have put myself over the edge and am officially over-caffeinated. I've been enjoying tea in the evenings, especially green tea, as I've found Qi Organic Fairtrade Authentic China Green Tea that tastes amazingly and fits with my values. Having a warm drink ritual can be solved this way, no problem. My issue, I think, is that I have this residual fear of not having enough caffeine in my body. Could that be it? What can I do, try to ween myself off of coffee derived caffeine? Nevermind, I know I can do that, but what is it in my head that makes me afraid of not having caffeine?

A thought I'll ponder...

Physical composition

26Nov10, 8am: personal training session (circuit training) with Wallace

Candid...

My body is officially comprised of more mass than it has ever occupied in its entire 33.25 years on the planet.

One of the joys that comes with starting a new training program or meeting a new trainer is the full body composition analysis that you get to start with. It's a fabulous way for me to feel absolutely lousy about myself, especially while living in the land of small where I can't find clothes to fit me and belts don't even go around my waist, let alone buckle. When did I become such a big girl? When did obesity become a risk for me? Seriously? It seems like this happened so fast, but then again, it's been slipping back over the past year.

I'm no stranger to the body composition tests, as I've done them with Endorphin Junkies a couple times per year. Still, every time, I was nervous, anxious, terrified... really for two numbers in particular.

1. Body fat percentage

2. Weight (mass)

My body fat percentage is still low, but I am apparently storing it all in my mid-section, hence the "over" WHR or waist to hip ratio, which is a proxy for obesity-related diseases. As you can see from part of the print-out from my body composition analysis from this morning... I'm quite imbalanced. It used to be that the % body fat and my weight were my magic numbers. If I could carry on with a "normal life", i.e. have dessert, a glass of wine, dairy, carbs... all very much in moderation, of course, then as long as I stayed below 20%, I'd feel pretty good. I knew that I could hammer out my work-outs and be extremely strict with my diet, low calories, barely any carbs, no soy, no dairy, no caffeine, no alcohol and drop down to 16%, but that wasn't sustainable. I could carry that on for about 6 weeks at the most, but no longer.

It's pretty incredible... I have everything I could possibly want in life except for the body it comes in. Part of me thinks it's not fair. But then I feel like crap for thinking that this of all things is not fair... where are the starving children these days, everywhere, where are the war-torn communities, everywhere... it's ridiculous for me to worry about this. Meanwhile, I'm probably consuming more calories in a day than many children and even adults have in a month. What the hell is my problem? I think to myself, why is it that so many people in this world can do absolutely no exercise at all and eat crappy, processed, sugary junky food and have great bodies. Mine is strong, no doubt, full of good components too, care of my clean diet... although lately that's not been as easy, but I'm doing well, considering... and so why do I complain? Maybe I will live longer because I'm in good shape, but then again, maybe not... the stats are stacked against me. I have a family history of obesity, heart disease, cancer...

I feel guilty for complaining, and I know that people will tell me that I look great, I'm so strong, in good shape, fit, eat healthfully, etc., but I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I look in the mirror, I see a rectangle... a tree trunk with no waist and big legs, a chubby face, I can't wear the clothes I want to wear, and I don't feel good, period.

I could turn this into a goal-setting exercise, I guess...

Goal #2: Over the next 3 months, I will have lost weight such that I am 7kg lighter. By this time, I am also enjoying that my waist to hip ratio is within the normal range for my body size.

There... does that help? Not really. I'm tired of being like this. It's ruined a part of who I am for so long, over half of my life, actually... 20 years maybe... I'm really tired...