Back to the Om...

I am embracing it I think... finally, but especially in when it is in mantra form. I am admittedly still not so impressed with it in solo form, however. Specifically, I think I'm particularly unimpressed when it seems like certain teachers try to "OM" for 20 seconds longer than anyone else in the class... to the point where their voice is crackly and scratchy... and especially because I thought it was a sound to bring everyone in the room together, not practice solo opera singing!!! You know who you are, yoga teachers! I personally prefer the togetherness of the OM but even more so the symbolism of the mantras that are often involved.

The mantra I was just reading about is Om Namah Shivaya, probably the most famous (?).

ॐ नमः शिवाय

I read a bit more about what it means after a bit of chanting that I unknowingly got myself into the past couple Thursday evenings in an Anusara mixed levels yoga class that completely, 110% empowers me. Just ask Natalie and Alice because I could not shut up about it last Thursday, and the Thursday prior, Natalie got an SMS from me exclaiming that I can do anything in the world. Anyway, I embraced the OM, finally, and it was because the whole "song" (what is it called when a mantra is sung?) that my favourite Michael Lau leads us in for Anusara class. There is a lot more to it, but it does start off with "Om Namah Shivaya" and then follows a bit about gratitude to your teachers, their teachers, and their past teachers, and so on.

Essentially, the mantra, if you break it down, represents the elements that govern the chakras, such as earth, water, fire, air, and earth. Then each piece of the sounds contained in the mantra mean something as well. They each represent a part of our "body" (referred to as mayakosa in Sanskrit). For example, "Na" refers to the whole physical body (also referred to as annamayakosa). The "ma" component refers to the prana or energy (pranamayakosa), "Shi" or "Chi" refers to the mental acumen (manonmayakosa), "va" refers to the intellect (vignanamayakosa), and "ya" refers to the blissful body (anandamayakosa). Again, the "OM" or perhaps more importantly, the silence beyond the sounds of the three syllables that make up the "OM" refers to the soul or the life within oneself.

But what does this all mean? Apparently I'm not the only one who finds the ideas behind this mantra hard to interpret.... but it has been done and is perhaps what most closely resonates with me the most broad, most general, and most appropriate for me:

Peace and salutations to that which I am capable of becoming.

Knowing thy body (does anyone say thy anymore?) and relativity

28Dec10, 8:30pm Bodypump with Xiomara (very high energy Brazilian!)

28Dec10, 9:30pm Hot Yoga with Serena Chan

I also vowed to go to bed by midnight last night, which was made easy by how exhausted (in a good way) that I was after both classes. However, I know I didn't eat enough before I went and far enough in advance before my workouts, as I was ravenous when I got home. A kid's size yogurt cup did the trick though and wasn't too much that I couldn't go to sleep pretty fast. Striking that balance for me has been difficult, as you all well know by now. How much sleep, how much exercise, how much food, how much caffeine, how much water? And, when to do all of this? I can feel that I'm totally off of my schedule right now, but I'm working on at least getting back to waking up early. I love getting my day started early, and as a result of going to bed at midnight (or a few min. after) last night, I woke up this morning at 5:30am no problem! I didn't go to morning yoga however, as I was sore and tired from last night, but I'm looking forward to a full, productive day of work, and I've already gotten in a good couple hours of email checking (and blogging) already and still no one has arrived to the office/lab.

The other idea I am contemplating right now is about relativity... not necessarily Einstein's, but ideas relative to other ideas, relative distance, relative in a quantifiable sense. I am one that compares, to my own demise too as I compare myself to others constantly. In my field of work, we are taught to compare, and we are compared to others as well. It's just how it is. I have been fortunate that recently I've been noted as being successful for "this stage in her career" which is a nice caveat that helps, but it's still a comparison to others at "this stage." In yoga, I find myself listening closely to the teacher as he/she helps to adjust (verbally) other students. I make sure that I can make those corrections too, if necessary. Is this a comparison? Am I correcting my postures relative to others' strengths, weaknesses, levels of flexibility, etc.? Furthermore, my teacher last night, Serena Chan, was the type that would go around and make tiny adjustments to your postures in addition to verbal cues. What I realized, since, once again I managed myself into a class where about 95% of it was taught strictly in Cantonese, that I really missed that. I really missed being able to hear what he/she was saying to other students so that I could make the same adjustments if necessary. When she came to me, she poked me with her fingernails, which I did not appreciate at all, to adjust me and said a few words in English. Yes, I can do a yoga class without being able to hear all of the auditory cues, but am I getting as much out of it? Do we get more out of life when we are able to take each step relative to the steps that are taken around us? Hmmm....

E^3... Evaluation, Examination and Evolution

Today I am honoured to have a very good friend of mine join me on “Eight million and one.” Andrea invited me to share some of her inspirational and thought-provoking ideas the other day, and I asked her if I could please post them as they really resonated with me. Andrea and I finished our Ph.D. degrees around the same time, although from different universities in Canada, and so we have a lot in common on those grounds. We have also constantly been conference travel buddies and have remained very close despite our day-to-day distance. Over the past few years we have had some amazing conversations and more recently about a lot of my recent blog topics and posts. Her recent thoughts here are very much in line with some of he recent ideas I've been exploring… take a minute to comment if you are inspired too, and hopefully we can open up a discussion.

E^3… Evaluation, Examination and Evolution

It’s funny how you can look at something you’ve seen many times before, but that 87^th time that you look at it, it prompts a new, original thought. This happened to me one afternoon while running around the indoor track. As I peered down at the gymnasium below, a large group of students were writing an exam. I thought to myself in the beginning, “That sucks. I remember those days… writing exams… so glad I'll never have to do that again… ha ha ha." In fact, this is the thought that I usually have when I see people writing exams. But, on this particular occasion, I let that thought linger a bit in my mind. Lo and behold, it went in a whole new direction. Two directions actually, one about my career, and one about my life, and I’ll touch on both.

Career:

As a newly appointed postdoctoral fellow, my Ph.D. defense was technically the last formal exam I would ever have to go through, as this would be my last academic degree. For most people, this is an exciting moment, and allows some relaxation of the mind and body. However, as an academic, I realize that it will not be my last exam. I will be examined every single day for the rest of my life. In our profession, and Jodie can attest to this, you are constantly being evaluated by your peers/supervisors. In essence, it is the day-to-day evaluations that people use to form their opinions about your scientific ability and integrity. Sure, everyone looks to see how many papers you have published, or presentations you have given, which are the larger of the evaluations we receive. However, when it comes down to it, a potential supervisor really wants to know how you got to that point, how you work, the type of person you are in and outside the lab, and your thought processes. These aspects of a person cannot be found in a résumé, but come for your supervisors and peers (reference letters), social gatherings (conferences), general scientific conversations, etc. Consequently, if you “pass” these examinations of your abilities, you end up succeeding in the larger evaluations, such as publishing papers. I think that these rooted aspects of a person and the day-to-day informal evaluations are what make or break a persons’ academic career.

Life:

So, if passing day-to-day evaluations is going to lead to a better career, then shouldn’t this work the same way for my life? The answer is yes (in my mind). I think that if you really want to lead a productive, successful, fulfilling, happy life, one that you are proud of, and one with no regrets, you really need to take the time to examine yourself every single day. Question yourself and your choices each day, evaluate your daily activities, etc. in order to really gain an understanding of yourself. If you ask yourself these questions and you have no answer, or you fail your daily evaluation, then you know where you need to work harder to become a better person, or to fulfill your life goals. By answering the questions, you acknowledge those aspects of your life that you are proud of, and those that need work. Most of the time, both of them (proud moments and those that need work) go unnoticed, and therefore, we have no framework on which to base our life evaluations. You may, at this point be asking, “What questions do I ask myself?”, and this is where it becomes personal. The questions you ask yourself are directly related to your values, morals, life goals, visions of success, or any other aspect of life. Here are a few that I think might be important, but your personal question list is up to you, and can be as long or short as you want it to be.

1. Have I done something nice for someone other than myself today?

2. Have I wasted anything today? Time? Food? Money? Etc.

3. What was one thing I did today that I could have done better?

4. What is one thing I did today that I excelled at?

5. What have I done today to prepare for tomorrow and my future?

If you ask yourself these (or any other) questions each day, you are examining your life. Each day, if you can answer the set of questions you have designed for yourself, even if the answers are "wrong" or unacceptable in your mind, then each NEW day you will have a framework established to become a better person, more successful, happier, or lead a more fulfilling life. This is the foundation for evolution. Animals in the wild adapt over generations to become more suited to their environment, to have a higher “fitness” and succeed over other animals. We too should be subjected to daily evolution, which over time will allow us to be the best that we can be.

Roaming throughout many places, living in tiny spaces

How much space do we actually need? What does "space" mean anyway? Google image "space" and the photos are gorgeous... outer space is the context in that case. My dictionary on my computer, however, gives me the following, some of which I've highlighted in orange out of interest:

space |spās|noun1 a continuous area or expanse that is free, available, or unoccupied : a table took up much of the space | we shall all be living together in a small space| he backed out of the parking space.• an area of land that is not occupied by buildings : she had a love of open spaces.• an empty area left between one-, two-, or three-dimensional points or objects : the space between a wall and a utility pipe.• a blank between printed, typed, or written words, characters, numbers, etc.• Music each of the four gaps between the five lines of a staff.• an interval of time (often used to suggest that the time is short, considering what has happened or been achieved in it) : both their cars were stolen in the space of three days.• pages in a newspaper, or time between television or radio programs, available for advertising.• (also commercial space) an area rented or sold as business premises.• the amount of paper used or needed to write about a subject : there is no space to give further details.• the freedom and scope to live, think, and develop in a way that suits one : a teenager needing her own space.• Telecommunications one of two possible states of a signal in certain systems. The opposite of mark 1 (sense 2).2 the dimensions of height, depth, and width within which all things exist and move : the work gives the sense of a journey in space and time.• (also outer space) the physical universe beyond the earth's atmosphere.• the near vacuum extending between the planets and stars, containing small amounts of gas and dust.• Mathematics a mathematical concept generally regarded as a set of points having some specified structure.verb1 [ trans. ] (usu. be spaced) position (two or more items) at a distance from one another : the houses are spaced out.• (in printing or writing) put blanks between (words, letters, or lines) :[as n. ] ( spacing) the default setting is single line spacing.2 (usu. be spaced out or space out) informal be or become distracted, euphoric, or disoriented, esp. from taking drugs; cease to be aware of one's surroundings : I was so tired that I began to feel totally spaced out | I kind of space out for a few minutes.PHRASESwatch this space informal further developments are expected and more information will be given later.DERIVATIVESspacer nounORIGIN Middle English : shortening of Old French espace, from Latinspatium. Current verb senses date from the late 17th cent.So, clearly there are several definitions and contextual usages for the word "space," but essentially I think that every definition can apply. The concept of space that I've been wondering about, struggling with, in awe about, mesmerized by, horrified by, and even comforted by over my life and very much during my recent journeys touches on a lot of these ideas. If I put these words and phrases together, haphazardly...continuous free empty the freedom and scope to live, think, and develop in a way that suits one within which all things exist and move specified structuredistance distractedeuphoricdisorientedThis is pretty much how I've been feeling over the past three weeks. It's really neat how this word "space" has been on my mind for three weeks... for so many overt reasons. I'm in Asia for one. Space is at a premium. Personal space in public places is nonexistent. The space I have created for myself to grow and learn and nurture myself and those around me, however is huge. It is really neat... I take this bit of time to explore it more deeply, and here is what I come up with. Looking at that definition, the words that popped off of the screen to me, I know meant/mean something.My journey is continuous, I know. There is no final destination, and I am ok with that. I feel free, free to explore myself, reinvent myself, starting from the person I had grown to be in my last home. I do have an empty feeling from time to time, no kindred connections yet, but also a strange desire to keep the only kindred connection here in HK with myself. Maybe that's the kindred connection that I need to nourish the most. In that case, the freedom and scope to live, think, and develop in a way that suits one is exactly the path that I've embarked on. Interestingly, that wasn't the first thought that came to mind in pondering the idea of "space." I was more concerned with a specified structure, and to quickly overcome this disoriented feeling that was overpowering me. I needed proximity, convenient distance(s) between my living space and my intellectual space, also neatly partitioned at the University (but also with minimal "space"). I was thinking of the lack of space when I couldn't find an apartment for my first 3 weeks here in HK. And, it wasn't because I was being picky either, which was a relief. Either I seriously lived in a toilet or I spent my entire salary every month on "space." There was no "middle space." So, I was entirely distracted thinking about the utter lack of and the cost of space... for me currently $150CAD per square foot... this was overwhelming my every thought, my every action, how I reacted to others around me... in my "space" that we commonly refer to as "personal space." But after pondering this for a bit, I don't even flinch at any of it anymore, rather pondering it is somewhat euphoric because of the tangential meanings. Space is important... not necessarily in the square-footage context, as I'm learning. The importance of space is within the context that it is within which all things exist and move. That's pretty profound.