Weaknesses

While I can be She-Ra or Superwoman in the gym or in academic or health situations, I have my kryptonite. There is quite a bit of value to doing this.

My Weaknesses…

I am self-critical.

I can be easily overwhelmed.

I am very sensitive to noise, people that are noisy.

I have a really hard time with my body image.

I get caught up on details, often missing the big picture.

I get stuck in my head and generate negative thought processes.

I can convey judgment or disapproval to others.

I often feel that I have to prove myself to others.

I am very much weakened when I’m lonely or ill.

I can bring others down when I’m in a bad mood.

I can easily feel inadequate, and it stifles my progress.

I can be late, which makes people have to wait on me.

I hold myself to a very high standard and expect perfection.

Continuing the theme of strengths

In my last long post, I left off wondering how to effectively identify our natural talents. We are told as children and young adults what our talents are. There were things I was "good" at, like ballet, long-distance running, teamwork-related activities, a bit of art/creative stuff, etc. Yes, these were things I liked to do but I was also told that I was good at them and should further pursue them. Told by whom? Do these people, regardless of how close they are to us (friends, family, teachers, etc.) really take into consideration how we are reacting and feeling about a certain said talent? Maybe. Sometimes they do have a bird's eye view. Furthermore, do these "talents" change as we enter adulthood? Everything else changes as we enter adulthood, as we start to make it our utmost priority to be functioning and influential adults in our families, communities, career fields, etc. How do our natural "talents" influence how we function in these respects? How do our "talents," which we can develop into "strengths" help us become good leaders in said aspects of our lives? That is what I'm hoping to figure out.

So far, I've learned a few things about how to discover talents, but I'm still unsure if my talents have always been or how they've changed throughout my life. My brilliant wife reminded me a while back to pay attention to activities I'm doing where I completely lose track of time because I am so "in to" whatever it is I'm doing. I can think of many, such as:

1. some types of art projects,

2. analyzing data,

3. developing a really neat research idea,

4. cooking,

5. making graphs and figures for a manuscript,

6. working on a presentation,

7. developing a lecture or seminar,

8. hanging out with friends, talking, playing games

9. going for a hike

10. writing my blog

11. exercising or talking about exercise and nutrition.

This list names a few of these types of activities that, in my life, I can get carried away and

completely lose track of time. However, I wonder a bit, as some are not consistently like that, e.g. meaning that I consistently lose track of time enjoying what I am doing. For example, sometimes I'm doing yoga and wondering when it will be over! Ha ha!! Does that mean that yoga is not a talent? Hmmm... I realize that this strategy is only a start to figuring things out, however. I've read to pay attention to five distinct themes regarding an activity, hobby, sport, etc.

1. Yearnings: you feel as though an internal force leads you to that activity or environment over and over and over again.

2. Rapid learning: while doing this activity, you find as though it is easy for sparks to fly and you really understand what is going on, are able to acquire any new skills associated with that activity or gain new knowledge associated with the ideas of the activity

3. Satisfaction: you feel a sense of great achievement when participating in these activities, when you take on and successfully meet challenges, they are extremely energizing experiences , fuelling you

4. Timelessness (close to what I was referencing above): you become so engrossed in this activity you completely lose track of time

5. Glimpses of excellence: you or others observe moments of outstanding performance in these activities

I can think a bit more about these five themes and the aforementioned 11 talents I think that I have, based on timelessness. Do they fit for the other four criteria as well? Yes and no. Having said that, I have also been going through the first module of Level 1 of Susanne Conrad's goal setting and leadership program. Part of this module involved interviewing people that are very close to you about their perception of you (me). I have interviewed 7 of the 8 people in my life that I definitely wanted to interview. I'd like to interview a few more that are close to me, but this has been a good start. The hard part for me has been that it has to be via voice at least, if not in person, which would be ideal because this module also dealt with communication, specifically listening. Being 8, 14, or 16 hours time difference to almost everyone on this list made that logistically challenging, but with skype I have managed to make it happen. However, I'm still waiting to work out a time and day with my sister, who has been ill. Germane to the earlier rhetoric on talents and strengths, the majority of the nine questions request your friend/family member/colleague, whomever you are interviewing to describe your strengths and talents. For example, "What do you see as my key strengths?" "When am I most powerful?" and "When am I most inspired?" I'm finding this most helpful... incorporating perceptions of me by others that are extremely close to me, on one level or another. This is equally important, in my mind, as figuring out things on my own. Because these people are being lead by me, influenced by me, and/or inspired by me in some way or another, by seeing ME inspired and feeling great about what I am doing. It is that kind of back-and-forth reciprocity that is the whole point of this!

I'd like to talk more about others' perceptions of me relative to my talents (that I have developed into strengths), but given that I committed to including my sister's thoughts, I really want to wait and thus will save that information for a post a little later in the week. Meanwhile, as I am hugely supportive of Strengths based Leadership and Strengths Finder, which are Gallup-based survey protocols to help people sift through the nonsense of every day life and identify their strengths and talents. I highly recommend this to anyone and everyone, especially if you are in this transitional-type period of your life. This has really given me a foundation to further explore my talents and hone my strengths as a result. Furthermore, I am more cognizant of those with which I surround myself, not only on a personal/friend day-to-day basis, but also in my professional life and eventually the laboratory and research team I am establishing during my career as a scientist.

So, I started reading the the Strengths based Leadership book last summer (2010) and a lot of the content really resonated with me, leading me to take the very long strengths-finder test that they offer online if you own the book. The overall theme of the book was that knowing your strengths and investing in others' strengths, getting people with the right strengths on your team, and understanding and meeting the four basic needs of those who look to you for leadership is what being a good leader is all about. Again, at the brink of a major transition point in my career, I thought that there could be no better time!

Four basic domains of leadership (needs of those that look to you for leadership):

1. Executing: a good leader needs to be able to put an idea into motion, they take an idea and make it happen

2. Influencing: a good leader can take charge, speak up, and yes... influence people

3. Relationship building: good leaders can create groups and organizations that are much greater than the sum of their parts, they are likened to the glue that can bind ideas and people together to work even better as a group

4. Strategic thinking: good leaders can easily absorb and quickly analyze information while determining how it will affect future actions and make better decisions

Every leader will have their strengths spread out between these four domains differently. It is the domains that don't get filled by the leader that raise the awareness as to the type of people he/she wants to attract to his/her team. This is what makes me think that I will be a good academic supervisor (graduate students and supervising large projects and communicating huge ideas) because my strengths, I've found, fall into every category except the first domain (executing). In other words, I'm just not strong at actually doing the project. I can get it going, get the team together, get the information and planning done, and get everyone motivated, but when it comes to collecting the data... that's where I need my team!

You can't imagine how validating that is! For years, I've thought something was wrong with me. I'd love getting a project going but actually doing the experiments... nah! Well, let me back up. I love doing the experiments the first few times, but once they get to be routine... I'd prefer to move on! But then when it was time to sort through the data and determine how to communicate it all and get everyone excited about our findings... I'm back! This sounds kind of bizarre, I'm sure.

So, drum roll... my strengths are as follows:

Within the "Executing" domain:

nothing

Within the "Influencing" domain:

1. Activator

2. Maximizer

Within the "Relationship Building" domain:

3. Harmony

4. Individualization

Within the "Strategic Thinking" domain:

5. Learner

There are 34 "strengths" in total, and the survey/testing is based on scenarios that are given and your responses to those scenarios. I remember it taking a long time, at least an hour to complete. But I am very intrigued with the outcome and integrating it into my plans for my future, both in my career and in my personal life.

I'm going to spend the next few blog posts to delve into what each of these "strengths" mean to me and how I will utilize them to the utmost potential in setting and achieving my goals and continuing to surround myself with the types of people that a) are in line with my values, b) will help highlight my strengths, and -- because of their own innate talents and strengths that I have learned to recognize and appreciate -- c) will make up for my weaknesses. I'm sensing my favourite word coming on... interdependence. I leave it at that for tonight!

To be continued...

Checking in...

31Dec10, 9:30am: Hot Flow Yoga with Ocean Liang

Last class of 2010, and I loved it so much. I love this teacher too... I mean, who couldn't love a yoga teacher called Ocean? I've studied in a class of hers before, and now I remember how much I really liked it. I don't think I've done a Hot Flow class ever, if so, it's been a while. It was very hard but still do-able, and I was able to challenge myself!

Incorporating a yoga or fitness class into my day has become second nature to me. I believe the "21 days to make or break a habit" idea. Although for some things, it may take a bit longer for me, but I'm really happy with how this one is going. It was easy in Vancouver. I had a strong network of other like-minded fitness "Junkies" and "yogis" and I could get around the city easily. Most people spoke English as well, bonus! So, the fact that I rose to the challenge of upholding my physical fitness commitments while here in a new city -- Hong Kong, for that matter -- makes me very proud of myself. The checks on the calendars below demarcate fitness or yoga classes/activities, and double checks obviously mean that I was crazy with energy that day!

I hesitated marking when I was in Taiwan and Australia, as I didn't want to be using those trips as an excuse for not exercising. I put them on the calendar anyway, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet... I don't think it's an excuse. I exercised the morning before I left for Taiwan, and the other two days were NUTS! I walked the city of Taipei like crazy, though and got a facial! While I was in Australia, as you all may have read in a previous post, I was interviewing for a fellowship and job for which I've been preparing (writing a proposal) for over a year. It was my first academic interview EVER! So, while I wasn't touring campus, meeting and schmoozing with scientists, giving a seminar, and having coffee, lunch, and dinner meetings, I slept and relaxed. I give myself that. I needed it, and I was proud to let myself have it. My hotel room there was bigger than my apartment, and the weather was phenomenal. So, I guess I just answered my own question. No, they aren't excuses. By putting them on there, I'm reminding myself that I am doing really well and very much enjoyed the needed relaxation time, both for my mind and my physical body!

The three goals that I have on the sidebar (left) here on this blog are for my time in HK (until May or so). Based on what I've done with Goal #1, I think that documenting my weight-loss (ok, redistribution of body composition) and water consumption would be helpful for my other two goals too. These are health-based goals, however. I am going to spend some time this weekend thinking about the other facets of my life with respect to where I am and where I'm going... stay tuned!!!

Until then, farewell to 2010... best year of my life so far... so far!!!! I will say hello to 2011 in about 10 hours... I can't wait to see how this one will unfold!

Lastly, all the best to my fellow mindful souls... thank you for reading and commenting and challenging me -- as well as yourself -- to think and keep thinking... I have loved this whole process!

Knowing thy body (does anyone say thy anymore?) and relativity

28Dec10, 8:30pm Bodypump with Xiomara (very high energy Brazilian!)

28Dec10, 9:30pm Hot Yoga with Serena Chan

I also vowed to go to bed by midnight last night, which was made easy by how exhausted (in a good way) that I was after both classes. However, I know I didn't eat enough before I went and far enough in advance before my workouts, as I was ravenous when I got home. A kid's size yogurt cup did the trick though and wasn't too much that I couldn't go to sleep pretty fast. Striking that balance for me has been difficult, as you all well know by now. How much sleep, how much exercise, how much food, how much caffeine, how much water? And, when to do all of this? I can feel that I'm totally off of my schedule right now, but I'm working on at least getting back to waking up early. I love getting my day started early, and as a result of going to bed at midnight (or a few min. after) last night, I woke up this morning at 5:30am no problem! I didn't go to morning yoga however, as I was sore and tired from last night, but I'm looking forward to a full, productive day of work, and I've already gotten in a good couple hours of email checking (and blogging) already and still no one has arrived to the office/lab.

The other idea I am contemplating right now is about relativity... not necessarily Einstein's, but ideas relative to other ideas, relative distance, relative in a quantifiable sense. I am one that compares, to my own demise too as I compare myself to others constantly. In my field of work, we are taught to compare, and we are compared to others as well. It's just how it is. I have been fortunate that recently I've been noted as being successful for "this stage in her career" which is a nice caveat that helps, but it's still a comparison to others at "this stage." In yoga, I find myself listening closely to the teacher as he/she helps to adjust (verbally) other students. I make sure that I can make those corrections too, if necessary. Is this a comparison? Am I correcting my postures relative to others' strengths, weaknesses, levels of flexibility, etc.? Furthermore, my teacher last night, Serena Chan, was the type that would go around and make tiny adjustments to your postures in addition to verbal cues. What I realized, since, once again I managed myself into a class where about 95% of it was taught strictly in Cantonese, that I really missed that. I really missed being able to hear what he/she was saying to other students so that I could make the same adjustments if necessary. When she came to me, she poked me with her fingernails, which I did not appreciate at all, to adjust me and said a few words in English. Yes, I can do a yoga class without being able to hear all of the auditory cues, but am I getting as much out of it? Do we get more out of life when we are able to take each step relative to the steps that are taken around us? Hmmm....

E^3... Evaluation, Examination and Evolution

Today I am honoured to have a very good friend of mine join me on “Eight million and one.” Andrea invited me to share some of her inspirational and thought-provoking ideas the other day, and I asked her if I could please post them as they really resonated with me. Andrea and I finished our Ph.D. degrees around the same time, although from different universities in Canada, and so we have a lot in common on those grounds. We have also constantly been conference travel buddies and have remained very close despite our day-to-day distance. Over the past few years we have had some amazing conversations and more recently about a lot of my recent blog topics and posts. Her recent thoughts here are very much in line with some of he recent ideas I've been exploring… take a minute to comment if you are inspired too, and hopefully we can open up a discussion.

E^3… Evaluation, Examination and Evolution

It’s funny how you can look at something you’ve seen many times before, but that 87^th time that you look at it, it prompts a new, original thought. This happened to me one afternoon while running around the indoor track. As I peered down at the gymnasium below, a large group of students were writing an exam. I thought to myself in the beginning, “That sucks. I remember those days… writing exams… so glad I'll never have to do that again… ha ha ha." In fact, this is the thought that I usually have when I see people writing exams. But, on this particular occasion, I let that thought linger a bit in my mind. Lo and behold, it went in a whole new direction. Two directions actually, one about my career, and one about my life, and I’ll touch on both.

Career:

As a newly appointed postdoctoral fellow, my Ph.D. defense was technically the last formal exam I would ever have to go through, as this would be my last academic degree. For most people, this is an exciting moment, and allows some relaxation of the mind and body. However, as an academic, I realize that it will not be my last exam. I will be examined every single day for the rest of my life. In our profession, and Jodie can attest to this, you are constantly being evaluated by your peers/supervisors. In essence, it is the day-to-day evaluations that people use to form their opinions about your scientific ability and integrity. Sure, everyone looks to see how many papers you have published, or presentations you have given, which are the larger of the evaluations we receive. However, when it comes down to it, a potential supervisor really wants to know how you got to that point, how you work, the type of person you are in and outside the lab, and your thought processes. These aspects of a person cannot be found in a résumé, but come for your supervisors and peers (reference letters), social gatherings (conferences), general scientific conversations, etc. Consequently, if you “pass” these examinations of your abilities, you end up succeeding in the larger evaluations, such as publishing papers. I think that these rooted aspects of a person and the day-to-day informal evaluations are what make or break a persons’ academic career.

Life:

So, if passing day-to-day evaluations is going to lead to a better career, then shouldn’t this work the same way for my life? The answer is yes (in my mind). I think that if you really want to lead a productive, successful, fulfilling, happy life, one that you are proud of, and one with no regrets, you really need to take the time to examine yourself every single day. Question yourself and your choices each day, evaluate your daily activities, etc. in order to really gain an understanding of yourself. If you ask yourself these questions and you have no answer, or you fail your daily evaluation, then you know where you need to work harder to become a better person, or to fulfill your life goals. By answering the questions, you acknowledge those aspects of your life that you are proud of, and those that need work. Most of the time, both of them (proud moments and those that need work) go unnoticed, and therefore, we have no framework on which to base our life evaluations. You may, at this point be asking, “What questions do I ask myself?”, and this is where it becomes personal. The questions you ask yourself are directly related to your values, morals, life goals, visions of success, or any other aspect of life. Here are a few that I think might be important, but your personal question list is up to you, and can be as long or short as you want it to be.

1. Have I done something nice for someone other than myself today?

2. Have I wasted anything today? Time? Food? Money? Etc.

3. What was one thing I did today that I could have done better?

4. What is one thing I did today that I excelled at?

5. What have I done today to prepare for tomorrow and my future?

If you ask yourself these (or any other) questions each day, you are examining your life. Each day, if you can answer the set of questions you have designed for yourself, even if the answers are "wrong" or unacceptable in your mind, then each NEW day you will have a framework established to become a better person, more successful, happier, or lead a more fulfilling life. This is the foundation for evolution. Animals in the wild adapt over generations to become more suited to their environment, to have a higher “fitness” and succeed over other animals. We too should be subjected to daily evolution, which over time will allow us to be the best that we can be.