The world around me

What do you do when it seems as though the world is falling down around you?

GLOBALLY:

Unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily have to be understood, to date, in the metaphorical sense as in which it is usually spoken. It does seem that the world is falling down with respect to what has gone on in Japan over the last 9 days. I've been both

1. impressed

and

2. vehemently discouraged

with humankind during this catastrophe specifically (as with most all of them, actually), and this is probably a common sentiment during any global disaster. I've been impressed with what I've seen as to how the Japanese people are handling this disaster. I'm not necessarily referring to Japan's government or any regulatory group, but rather the people... the people that have been most affected. On Rachel Maddow's MSNBC evening news show, specifically during the last 5-10 min. of the show, she showed footage of a few of the rescue efforts that were most compelling (15 March 2011 episode, I podcast it on iTunes). Mind you, these were not military helicopters scooping up people, these were human chains, people carrying other people... heart warming. There has likely been more footage than I can even imagine floating around the airwaves the past week. Given that I don't have a TV with any English channels, this limits me from unintentionally seeing anything, which I think is good. I have to actively pursue it on the internet, and for that reason I go only to sources I believe to be reputable. This helps, as I don't think I could handle the other side of disaster right now, and by that I mean the propaganda, the lunacy, the fear mongering in the media and in the general public, the hate, the ignorance, the disrespect. That's the ugly side of this and I think that, regardless of how serious the potential for meltdown is at Fukushima, it will be how the world handles it that will be the tipping point, not the fact that it's happened. It's how you handle catastrophe and chaos... hmmm...

LOCALLY:

Having said all of that, what about in every day life? What happens when the (2.) latter description (vehement disappointment) overshadows the (1.) first description (impressed) in your daily routine? I have what I call IHHK (I Hate Hong Kong, not I HEART Hong Kong, as the image to the left portrays... I have those days too, though!) days, and the frequency of these days occurring is roughly 3 days per week lately. Sure, I have IHHK moments, but when I have a full IHHK day, I worry. Can I liken it to sitting in front of the TV watching Fox News -- or some other right-wing, conservative, fear-mongering media conglomerate -- mindlessly letting them fill my head and heart with whatever they think is going on or whatever they think is important? So, in a sense, I'm letting the parts of the outside world -- in this case Hong Kong and it's residents, language, culture -- shape me, and determine my perception of the world and myself. Granted, there are aspects of the culture here that I like, but the ones I do not like are more numerous and profound for me. So, it does seem, often, that the world, not just on a global scale, when disaster strikes, but also on a local scale when immersed in a different country and culture, is falling down around me.

PERSONALLY:

I can look at my yoga classes to see this resonates on a more personal level too. Of course, yoga is my great metaphor of life! So, I could rephrase the question that I posed at the beginning of this blog.

What do you do when the rest of the yoga students in your class are falling down around you?

Sometimes, I fall too. Lately, I've been falling a lot and not necessarily because I'm pushing myself to the outer periphery of my virtual capacity and abilities in my yoga practice. I'm falling because I'm distracted. I'm paying attention to other people's issues and challenges, the limits of their abilities, their perceived weaknesses, etc. rather than my own. Sometimes I pass judgement too. I think to myself, "wow, if they would have only listened to the step-by-step instructions of the teacher, instead of rushing, they'd have at least made some progress in the posture" or maybe even "they aren't even trying." Then I fall. It's only when I come back to my intentions, bridge my ego with my intentions (topic for my next post I promise), centre myself, draw awareness to my core, an focus my gaze that I am in my own balance again. Sometimes this is impossible for me until that final Shivasana.

For example, today I practiced hot yoga with Bernadette Leung. During the practice, some lady

one or two mats away from me was burping or making some sort of pig snort for the entire hour, and not just one every 10 min. or so, literally several sounds per minute! It was so loud and so guttural, I was horrified! While usually I would just acknowledge that "WTF?" thought bubble that is perpetually above my head, today it disappeared and all I could do was get really angry about it. It was affecting me and my practice and offending me personally. The thoughts that entered my thought bubble, hence pushing the benign "WTF?" out of there, included but were not limited to the following:

"What on earth did you eat?"

"Do you realize how loud you are?"

"Your burping is making you fall out of every posture!"

"I can't see any of your knuckles or joints, do you have chronic edema... and again, what do you eat that makes your body respond this way?"

"Is yoga part of the solution? If so, that's fine, but maybe a private class is a better idea."

I either wanted to ask her what was wrong or exclaim "jing dee!!" I looked around, and it didn't seem as though the other 50 students were even as close to being as affected as I was, however.

Ok, so what is wrong with me then? There were several times when I regained my focus and was able to ignore the disturbance. There was no acceptance, however... during those times, I was just ignoring... ignorance? Ignorance is bliss? What does this all mean in the grand scheme of things, though? If I were to use the "just ignore it" or "ignorance" tactic for the LOCAL and GLOBAL examples above, what would that look like? NOT GOOD! As I mentioned, it's hard enough in a full, sweaty, technically challenging yoga class to acknowledge and regain your focus and go back to your core strength and deep-rooted knowledge with every little disturbance you experience. That's a daily challenge, and some are better at it than others.

Indeed, we're all at different stages of our journeys. When the disturbance gets so profound, maintaining our centre is more difficult. Fighting fire with fire isn't the answer either though. LOCALLY, if that were the case, during my daily commute, I'd intentionally step on peoples toes, push and shove, talk really loudly on my phone, burp without covering my mouth, eat really stinky food while slurping it loudly... the list goes on. On a PERSONAL level, if fighting fire was the case during my yoga class, I'd stomp loudly and slam the door when entering the studio, I'd drop my water bottle and not think a thing about it, and instead of burping 3 times

per minute for an hour, maybe I'd pass gas from the other end just as frequently to add the smell component to the situation. Although, maybe I already have a strange smell to me, as Asians say Westerners smell like cheese. Would it have been the same if someone was farting 3 times per minute for the entire class? I'd die to be a fly on the wall of that yoga studio (with a clothes pin on my nose, of course). Finally, we all know what it looks like when fire is fought with fire on a GLOBAL scale. It is not usually productive over the long term and can usually heighten catastrophe and chaos. That's definitely NOT how Japan is dealing with things in my mind, which is good and a relief. What I see is the workers of Fukushima Daiichi doing what they know to be the right response protocol, using every resource they have and all of the safety training under their belt to make sure that the situation does not get worse. Meanwhile the brilliant engineers are using all of their knowledge, a collective intelligence that could never be quantified, to come up with short-term and long-term solutions so that not only the area but the entire country and Asia, for that matter, stays safe. They are learning and will continue to learn a ton from this, no doubt, and likewise for the rest of the world. Indeed, there have been some amazing scientists interviewed on TV (several on Rachel Maddow's show) and radio that have informed the general public as to the ins and outs of this disaster from their scientific perspective, but in lay man's terms, which is crucial. Again, they are leaning on their core strength, which is their education and capacity to educate others... not fear.

So, what's to be said from all of this? I've outlined my current and timely thoughts and examples for what happens when the distracted and panic buttons are pushed on a GLOBAL, LOCAL, and PERSONAL scale. If yoga is the metaphor for my life, and what Bernadette said in class today:

"Your yoga practice is an outward expression of who you are."

rings true, then that is the most important lesson I can learn right now. My annoyance and anger and frustration today... that is not who I am... the core strength, focus, education, intelligence, foresight, and intentional actions that I had a few glimpses of this morning... that's me, and not just in yoga, but also in every day life. Namaste नमस्ते...

Thoughts?

Proximal recapitulation

6Dec10, 7am: personal training with Wallace...

whoa... I got my ass kicked and handed back to me... 3x6 abs circuit with cardio in between, 3x6 arms/shoulders circuit with cardio in between, then 16 min. on treadmill doing sprints... no wonder I'm dead! It was good though... other than the morning breath of my trainer... found a way to ignore it and get a killer work-out... back to good old proximity... a topic I began discussing in a previous post and will no doubt come back to often!

I mentioned the guy sitting next to me on my flight from HKG to TPE … how our discussion was amazing, but the entire time, his face was about 100mm from me... no joke... and he had just eaten his in-flight lunch of Chinese noodles... I left it somewhat hanging because I wanted to devote some time to thinking about it... I’ll continue now…

After this experience on the plane and then lately seeing ancient Chinese artifacts and learning more and more about the history of this part of Asia, I’m reminded abouthow old this part of the world is… not just historically speaking… but spiritually, culturally… it’s something that North Americans don’t readily wrap their head around as both Canada and the U.S. are so young incomparison. I think I’m at least more familiar with European history, which makes sense, given my heritage

and ancestry. Asian history, however… a whole different cup of tea! Yesterday I saw some art from the Tang Dynasty… that’s from the 7^th century! Not only artistic masterpieces and architecture, but there is also so much history in the types of government and ruling styles, some of which we still see today, in some form or another.

Speaking of which, the guy sitting next to me on the plane enlightened me a bit. He was telling me how he was Taiwanese but that his parents were originally from mainland China but were both dead now. During the Chinese civil war, his father was a part of the KMT (Kuomintang, anti-communist army). According to Wiki, “the KMT was founded by Song Jiaoren and Sun Yat-sen shortly after the Xinhai Revolution. Later led by Chiang Kai-shek, it ruled much of China from 1928 until its retreat to Taiwan in 1949 after being defeated by the Communist Party of China (CPC) during the Chinese Civil War. There, the KMT controlled the government under a single party state until reforms in the late 1970s through the 1990s loosened its grip on power.” In the late 40s and early 50s, things were really bad with the Soviet, Korean, and Chinese (communist, cold war) involvement combined… the Korean war… and many mainland Chinese people were fleeing, either to Taiwan or Hong Kong.

This guy told me that his parents got an opportunity to get on a midnight boat to Taiwan one night about 60 years ago. I guess the father was afraid for his life, and they wanted out from communist rule. They hadn’t given birth to him yet, but they already had two daughters, one that was very young… an infant probably less than 1 year and the other was 5 years old. The catch was they couldn’t take children for fear of being discovered late in the night if a baby cried. So they planned to leave alone, this guy tells me. He remembers his father telling him stories about what it was like… his mom pacing and his eldest sister suspecting something was wrong because her mother was dressed differently that day and acting nervous. The eldest daughter was apparently very clingy and into the night she was pried out of her mother’s arms and into the arms of her auntie, never to see her mother again. The parents left their two daughters in the care of the sister… never to be seen again. In fact, this guy said that his mother literally worried herself to death over the following year. The father and this guy weren’t allowed to contact mainland to look for them until 40 years later! Still in mainland China, I’m told that neither sister is well off at all. Both were haunted by the specific event that separated them from their family but then forever because of their father’s affiliation with the KMT. Neither could marry anyone but only the lowest class Chinese citizens, which were opera singers and taxi drivers. They were shunned throughout the majority of their life for their familial association, which for one of them only lasted a mere year!

All this time, I’m getting a rich history lesson about Taiwan and how it became a haven for the Chinese and the reasons why, but this older gentleman was also pouring his heart out via his life story, most of which I will never even fathom in my entire lifetime.

I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now, almost a week, as I flew to Taiwan last Tuesday. The first thoughts that I had that afternoon were regarding proximity. For me, this was – I’m sure – one of many turning points for me in learning about myself and the fluid concepts of proximity as well as space and time. With regard to proximity, I found myself asking myself to please take in this moment, get beyond the smell of Chinese noodles, the intermittent belching, and the misty spray of someone talking very closely, the seeming “invasion of personal space”… and really listen to this man, listen with compassion… imagine how he must feel… imagine how his mother and sisters and father must have felt.

Proximity is a tough one... it makes people uncomfortable. It's not necessarily painful or harming or even inconvenient... it just touches on the idea of personal space that some of us have gotten used to having a lot of!!!! I have been in this place of uncomfortable… about so many things and for so long… Personal space is HUGE for me, and like I mentioned in my the first blog about this plane ride, is “the apex of the triangle in my opinion, and the last, hardest concept for me to understand...” I’m uncomfortable in my own skin most of the time, which has limited me endlessly. I don’t feel good being in such close proximity to a stranger (and sometimes even people I know well), which I’m sure has caused me to miss out on a lot in life, as it would have in this case. I’m not saying that by letting others be in close proximity to me, from now on, will allow me to have a richer life. What I’m thinking is that in this particular case, I acknowledged the barriers that usually prevent me from this kind of encounter and chose to put them aside. I don’t believe this always to be the solution, as I think we have barriers and warning signs that we definitely need to heed as protection. Always building walls and setting up barriers, however, is not likely the key to an enriched, loving, and fulfilling life.

Proximity… hmm...

Thoughts on proximity...

30Nov10, 7am: Bodypump class at PURE with Kelvin... great work-out, especially my anterior deltoids... yowww-zaaaa! Had also planned for an evening yoga class in Taipei, but the others were too tired... may have to do a day of lots of walking on Wed. to get in my fitness for the day. Time to explore Taipei then!!!

But before that...

Interestingly, I'm finding myself taking on space, time, and now proximity... the apex of the triangle in my opinion, and the last, hardest concept for me to understand... not that I've got it down, but I'm working on it.

I find myself asking these questions, albeit silently in my head, to various strangers I encounter...

"Do you realize how close you are to me?"

"Do you realize that there are 500 people behind you trying to get by, and you're blocking the aisle because you are meandering side to side at a snail's pace?"

Ok, that second one was a bit more descriptive of my every day experiences; whereas the first was rather general and could be applied to just about any encounter in Asia, I'm finding.

When you live in such close proximity to people by no choice of your own, your definition of proximity gets smaller and smaller, I'm certain. Coming from the land of wide open spaces... Canada, even more so than the U.S., we do not understand that and our definition of proximity incorporates a much larger radius. In N. America, we can... most often... choose to live in a big city and be close to other people, or we can choose to live in more rural communities where our neighbours are sometimes 8km from us.

8km! That's 8,000m... or 800,000cm or 8,000,000mm!!! REALLY?

I've become at peace with time and space, but proximity is still weighing on me. At the gym Monday night, I was taking a new class, the BodyCombat class I mentioned in my last post. Wanting to get as much from the instructor as possible, I tend to pick a spot very close to the middle and front of the room. I arrived early to do so, and what happens, another woman comes and stands, literally, 60cm directly in front of me... not staggered at all, DIRECTLY in front of me, as if I were not even there! So my blood starts to simmer a bit and thoughts begin developing regarding the concept of proximity. I let it go for the time being and get in the best possible work-out I could, saving the ponderings for later.

On my flight from HKG to TPE, the guy sitting next to me was quite nice and struck up a conversation. I'm not sure what got the conversation going because while we were waiting on the tarmac, for what seemed like an hour, to take off, I dozed multiple times. So, I'm sure I wasn't the ideal-looking candidate for an in-depth, in-flight discussion. Anyway, as it happened, our discussion was amazing, but the entire time, his face was about 100mm from me... no joke... and he had just eaten his in-flight lunch of Chinese noodles... I'll stop there...

Proximity...

As I mentioned, we had a phenomenal conversation, which I'll talk about in my next post more in-depth, as it provoked a lot in me. The conversation was so worthwhile, I found myself asking myself to please forget about how close this guy's face is to me and take in the discussion... it was hard, but I did it, and it was worth it. For now, I think I'm coming to terms with a new acceptable definition of proximity, one that is realistic for me in Asia... it may not be 100% Asian-certified ;-) but it's good for the "Asian Jodie" for now.

Time is ticking and I have Taipei to see... jo sahn and joy geen for now!

Roaming throughout many places, living in tiny spaces

How much space do we actually need? What does "space" mean anyway? Google image "space" and the photos are gorgeous... outer space is the context in that case. My dictionary on my computer, however, gives me the following, some of which I've highlighted in orange out of interest:

space |spās|noun1 a continuous area or expanse that is free, available, or unoccupied : a table took up much of the space | we shall all be living together in a small space| he backed out of the parking space.• an area of land that is not occupied by buildings : she had a love of open spaces.• an empty area left between one-, two-, or three-dimensional points or objects : the space between a wall and a utility pipe.• a blank between printed, typed, or written words, characters, numbers, etc.• Music each of the four gaps between the five lines of a staff.• an interval of time (often used to suggest that the time is short, considering what has happened or been achieved in it) : both their cars were stolen in the space of three days.• pages in a newspaper, or time between television or radio programs, available for advertising.• (also commercial space) an area rented or sold as business premises.• the amount of paper used or needed to write about a subject : there is no space to give further details.• the freedom and scope to live, think, and develop in a way that suits one : a teenager needing her own space.• Telecommunications one of two possible states of a signal in certain systems. The opposite of mark 1 (sense 2).2 the dimensions of height, depth, and width within which all things exist and move : the work gives the sense of a journey in space and time.• (also outer space) the physical universe beyond the earth's atmosphere.• the near vacuum extending between the planets and stars, containing small amounts of gas and dust.• Mathematics a mathematical concept generally regarded as a set of points having some specified structure.verb1 [ trans. ] (usu. be spaced) position (two or more items) at a distance from one another : the houses are spaced out.• (in printing or writing) put blanks between (words, letters, or lines) :[as n. ] ( spacing) the default setting is single line spacing.2 (usu. be spaced out or space out) informal be or become distracted, euphoric, or disoriented, esp. from taking drugs; cease to be aware of one's surroundings : I was so tired that I began to feel totally spaced out | I kind of space out for a few minutes.PHRASESwatch this space informal further developments are expected and more information will be given later.DERIVATIVESspacer nounORIGIN Middle English : shortening of Old French espace, from Latinspatium. Current verb senses date from the late 17th cent.So, clearly there are several definitions and contextual usages for the word "space," but essentially I think that every definition can apply. The concept of space that I've been wondering about, struggling with, in awe about, mesmerized by, horrified by, and even comforted by over my life and very much during my recent journeys touches on a lot of these ideas. If I put these words and phrases together, haphazardly...continuous free empty the freedom and scope to live, think, and develop in a way that suits one within which all things exist and move specified structuredistance distractedeuphoricdisorientedThis is pretty much how I've been feeling over the past three weeks. It's really neat how this word "space" has been on my mind for three weeks... for so many overt reasons. I'm in Asia for one. Space is at a premium. Personal space in public places is nonexistent. The space I have created for myself to grow and learn and nurture myself and those around me, however is huge. It is really neat... I take this bit of time to explore it more deeply, and here is what I come up with. Looking at that definition, the words that popped off of the screen to me, I know meant/mean something.My journey is continuous, I know. There is no final destination, and I am ok with that. I feel free, free to explore myself, reinvent myself, starting from the person I had grown to be in my last home. I do have an empty feeling from time to time, no kindred connections yet, but also a strange desire to keep the only kindred connection here in HK with myself. Maybe that's the kindred connection that I need to nourish the most. In that case, the freedom and scope to live, think, and develop in a way that suits one is exactly the path that I've embarked on. Interestingly, that wasn't the first thought that came to mind in pondering the idea of "space." I was more concerned with a specified structure, and to quickly overcome this disoriented feeling that was overpowering me. I needed proximity, convenient distance(s) between my living space and my intellectual space, also neatly partitioned at the University (but also with minimal "space"). I was thinking of the lack of space when I couldn't find an apartment for my first 3 weeks here in HK. And, it wasn't because I was being picky either, which was a relief. Either I seriously lived in a toilet or I spent my entire salary every month on "space." There was no "middle space." So, I was entirely distracted thinking about the utter lack of and the cost of space... for me currently $150CAD per square foot... this was overwhelming my every thought, my every action, how I reacted to others around me... in my "space" that we commonly refer to as "personal space." But after pondering this for a bit, I don't even flinch at any of it anymore, rather pondering it is somewhat euphoric because of the tangential meanings. Space is important... not necessarily in the square-footage context, as I'm learning. The importance of space is within the context that it is within which all things exist and move. That's pretty profound.