Checking in...

31Dec10, 9:30am: Hot Flow Yoga with Ocean Liang

Last class of 2010, and I loved it so much. I love this teacher too... I mean, who couldn't love a yoga teacher called Ocean? I've studied in a class of hers before, and now I remember how much I really liked it. I don't think I've done a Hot Flow class ever, if so, it's been a while. It was very hard but still do-able, and I was able to challenge myself!

Incorporating a yoga or fitness class into my day has become second nature to me. I believe the "21 days to make or break a habit" idea. Although for some things, it may take a bit longer for me, but I'm really happy with how this one is going. It was easy in Vancouver. I had a strong network of other like-minded fitness "Junkies" and "yogis" and I could get around the city easily. Most people spoke English as well, bonus! So, the fact that I rose to the challenge of upholding my physical fitness commitments while here in a new city -- Hong Kong, for that matter -- makes me very proud of myself. The checks on the calendars below demarcate fitness or yoga classes/activities, and double checks obviously mean that I was crazy with energy that day!

I hesitated marking when I was in Taiwan and Australia, as I didn't want to be using those trips as an excuse for not exercising. I put them on the calendar anyway, but I'm not sure how I feel about it yet... I don't think it's an excuse. I exercised the morning before I left for Taiwan, and the other two days were NUTS! I walked the city of Taipei like crazy, though and got a facial! While I was in Australia, as you all may have read in a previous post, I was interviewing for a fellowship and job for which I've been preparing (writing a proposal) for over a year. It was my first academic interview EVER! So, while I wasn't touring campus, meeting and schmoozing with scientists, giving a seminar, and having coffee, lunch, and dinner meetings, I slept and relaxed. I give myself that. I needed it, and I was proud to let myself have it. My hotel room there was bigger than my apartment, and the weather was phenomenal. So, I guess I just answered my own question. No, they aren't excuses. By putting them on there, I'm reminding myself that I am doing really well and very much enjoyed the needed relaxation time, both for my mind and my physical body!

The three goals that I have on the sidebar (left) here on this blog are for my time in HK (until May or so). Based on what I've done with Goal #1, I think that documenting my weight-loss (ok, redistribution of body composition) and water consumption would be helpful for my other two goals too. These are health-based goals, however. I am going to spend some time this weekend thinking about the other facets of my life with respect to where I am and where I'm going... stay tuned!!!

Until then, farewell to 2010... best year of my life so far... so far!!!! I will say hello to 2011 in about 10 hours... I can't wait to see how this one will unfold!

Lastly, all the best to my fellow mindful souls... thank you for reading and commenting and challenging me -- as well as yourself -- to think and keep thinking... I have loved this whole process!

Setting up for... not just the strike of midnight...

29Dec10, 7pm: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

30Dec10, 9:30pm: Hot yoga with Keiki To

I did not care for my yoga teacher this evening, but I still tried someone new and learned a bit despite it not being my style.

Found this gem today...

Setting ourselves up for success... a top ten list that I created from a bit I found written by Prof. Timothy Sharp.

1. Imagine a positive vision of the future, where you’re living a fulfilling, active, and flourishing life.

2. Imagine your best possible self. Which “you” would you like to become?

3. Start living as though you’re at your best now by scheduling positive and inspiring activities into your life.

4. Plan activities that aren’t just pleasurable but require effort and mastery. This will increase the amount of satisfaction you get from them.

5. Be mindful of negative thoughts. Develop and cultivate realistic and optimistic thoughts.

6. Build confidence by trying something new, and believe you can do it.

7. Rather than trying to fix weaknesses, focus on your strengths and then build on these.

8. Take some time to redefine your relationship with food and exercise. Try to make physical activities fun.

9. Enlist the support of encouraging family and friends.

10. Appreciate the good things in your life and the world around you.

I've heard peaceful debates both "for" and "against" #9. What are your thoughts on sharing your goals?

Knowing thy body (does anyone say thy anymore?) and relativity

28Dec10, 8:30pm Bodypump with Xiomara (very high energy Brazilian!)

28Dec10, 9:30pm Hot Yoga with Serena Chan

I also vowed to go to bed by midnight last night, which was made easy by how exhausted (in a good way) that I was after both classes. However, I know I didn't eat enough before I went and far enough in advance before my workouts, as I was ravenous when I got home. A kid's size yogurt cup did the trick though and wasn't too much that I couldn't go to sleep pretty fast. Striking that balance for me has been difficult, as you all well know by now. How much sleep, how much exercise, how much food, how much caffeine, how much water? And, when to do all of this? I can feel that I'm totally off of my schedule right now, but I'm working on at least getting back to waking up early. I love getting my day started early, and as a result of going to bed at midnight (or a few min. after) last night, I woke up this morning at 5:30am no problem! I didn't go to morning yoga however, as I was sore and tired from last night, but I'm looking forward to a full, productive day of work, and I've already gotten in a good couple hours of email checking (and blogging) already and still no one has arrived to the office/lab.

The other idea I am contemplating right now is about relativity... not necessarily Einstein's, but ideas relative to other ideas, relative distance, relative in a quantifiable sense. I am one that compares, to my own demise too as I compare myself to others constantly. In my field of work, we are taught to compare, and we are compared to others as well. It's just how it is. I have been fortunate that recently I've been noted as being successful for "this stage in her career" which is a nice caveat that helps, but it's still a comparison to others at "this stage." In yoga, I find myself listening closely to the teacher as he/she helps to adjust (verbally) other students. I make sure that I can make those corrections too, if necessary. Is this a comparison? Am I correcting my postures relative to others' strengths, weaknesses, levels of flexibility, etc.? Furthermore, my teacher last night, Serena Chan, was the type that would go around and make tiny adjustments to your postures in addition to verbal cues. What I realized, since, once again I managed myself into a class where about 95% of it was taught strictly in Cantonese, that I really missed that. I really missed being able to hear what he/she was saying to other students so that I could make the same adjustments if necessary. When she came to me, she poked me with her fingernails, which I did not appreciate at all, to adjust me and said a few words in English. Yes, I can do a yoga class without being able to hear all of the auditory cues, but am I getting as much out of it? Do we get more out of life when we are able to take each step relative to the steps that are taken around us? Hmmm....

E^3... Evaluation, Examination and Evolution

Today I am honoured to have a very good friend of mine join me on “Eight million and one.” Andrea invited me to share some of her inspirational and thought-provoking ideas the other day, and I asked her if I could please post them as they really resonated with me. Andrea and I finished our Ph.D. degrees around the same time, although from different universities in Canada, and so we have a lot in common on those grounds. We have also constantly been conference travel buddies and have remained very close despite our day-to-day distance. Over the past few years we have had some amazing conversations and more recently about a lot of my recent blog topics and posts. Her recent thoughts here are very much in line with some of he recent ideas I've been exploring… take a minute to comment if you are inspired too, and hopefully we can open up a discussion.

E^3… Evaluation, Examination and Evolution

It’s funny how you can look at something you’ve seen many times before, but that 87^th time that you look at it, it prompts a new, original thought. This happened to me one afternoon while running around the indoor track. As I peered down at the gymnasium below, a large group of students were writing an exam. I thought to myself in the beginning, “That sucks. I remember those days… writing exams… so glad I'll never have to do that again… ha ha ha." In fact, this is the thought that I usually have when I see people writing exams. But, on this particular occasion, I let that thought linger a bit in my mind. Lo and behold, it went in a whole new direction. Two directions actually, one about my career, and one about my life, and I’ll touch on both.

Career:

As a newly appointed postdoctoral fellow, my Ph.D. defense was technically the last formal exam I would ever have to go through, as this would be my last academic degree. For most people, this is an exciting moment, and allows some relaxation of the mind and body. However, as an academic, I realize that it will not be my last exam. I will be examined every single day for the rest of my life. In our profession, and Jodie can attest to this, you are constantly being evaluated by your peers/supervisors. In essence, it is the day-to-day evaluations that people use to form their opinions about your scientific ability and integrity. Sure, everyone looks to see how many papers you have published, or presentations you have given, which are the larger of the evaluations we receive. However, when it comes down to it, a potential supervisor really wants to know how you got to that point, how you work, the type of person you are in and outside the lab, and your thought processes. These aspects of a person cannot be found in a résumé, but come for your supervisors and peers (reference letters), social gatherings (conferences), general scientific conversations, etc. Consequently, if you “pass” these examinations of your abilities, you end up succeeding in the larger evaluations, such as publishing papers. I think that these rooted aspects of a person and the day-to-day informal evaluations are what make or break a persons’ academic career.

Life:

So, if passing day-to-day evaluations is going to lead to a better career, then shouldn’t this work the same way for my life? The answer is yes (in my mind). I think that if you really want to lead a productive, successful, fulfilling, happy life, one that you are proud of, and one with no regrets, you really need to take the time to examine yourself every single day. Question yourself and your choices each day, evaluate your daily activities, etc. in order to really gain an understanding of yourself. If you ask yourself these questions and you have no answer, or you fail your daily evaluation, then you know where you need to work harder to become a better person, or to fulfill your life goals. By answering the questions, you acknowledge those aspects of your life that you are proud of, and those that need work. Most of the time, both of them (proud moments and those that need work) go unnoticed, and therefore, we have no framework on which to base our life evaluations. You may, at this point be asking, “What questions do I ask myself?”, and this is where it becomes personal. The questions you ask yourself are directly related to your values, morals, life goals, visions of success, or any other aspect of life. Here are a few that I think might be important, but your personal question list is up to you, and can be as long or short as you want it to be.

1. Have I done something nice for someone other than myself today?

2. Have I wasted anything today? Time? Food? Money? Etc.

3. What was one thing I did today that I could have done better?

4. What is one thing I did today that I excelled at?

5. What have I done today to prepare for tomorrow and my future?

If you ask yourself these (or any other) questions each day, you are examining your life. Each day, if you can answer the set of questions you have designed for yourself, even if the answers are "wrong" or unacceptable in your mind, then each NEW day you will have a framework established to become a better person, more successful, happier, or lead a more fulfilling life. This is the foundation for evolution. Animals in the wild adapt over generations to become more suited to their environment, to have a higher “fitness” and succeed over other animals. We too should be subjected to daily evolution, which over time will allow us to be the best that we can be.

Starting to send off 2010...

25Dec2010, 9:30am: Hot Yoga with Shirley Wong

26Dec2010, 11:30am: Power Yoga with Michael Lau

As I spend the next week reflecting on 2010, which I think has been the best year of my life, I would like to make a conscious effort to think about 2011 as well. I remember ringing in 2010 and saying to myself this is going to be the best year! I had so many plans for the year, so many exciting happenings, and I chartered my path from day one. I do plan to take this approach for 2011. This leads me to mention something that my yoga teacher said on Christmas day during hot yoga, which was for me a really special way to start my day. She said the following:

"Take a moment now and in life to think about what you want for the future before you make your next move."

This is clearly so appropriate for a yoga class. My

postures of the day were tree (vrikshaasana)

and dancer (natarajasana ) asanas. I thought about the acute meaning of this phrase when taking my tree posture (vrikshaasana) from having my hands in prayer (is it called namasté for prayer hands?) to another level. I extended my arms and hands upward, straightening them, reaching up into the air like branches growing out of a strong, rooted trunk, and looking up to the sky as if to grow, right there from feet, legs, torso rooted right into the yoga studio floor... reaching for the light. This is actually quite an easy posture for me, but I notice that if, during that transition with my hands and arms, I do not think about what I am doing and where my body is going, I lose balance. My strong, rooted tree wavers.

This seems like the perfect state of mind in which to address the second step of effective goal setting:

2. Balanced goals for a balanced life

Set goals in all areas of your life:

-- Career

-- Health

-- Personal

This touches on the idea of balance, which is extremely important to me and has directed some of the most important decisions in my life (as it should, I'm finally learning). This step of goal-setting also touches on an idea I'd like to explore more within myself in the new year of 2011. That is the idea of living congruently. If someone is not living congruently, there is a disconnect between these three (or more) major areas of your life (career, health, and personal). For example, what happens when you are brilliant and achieve so much in one aspect of your life (e.g. career) but struggle with another (e.g. health and fitness)? I see that rampantly within the higher levels of academia and I've never been able to understand it. I thought that in order to be extremely successful in one branch, you had to forsake others. Furthermore, it is not just about being successful, per se, and goal-oriented in these three branches of your existence, but also adhering to your core values in all aspects of your life. I think that is what I'd most like to explore, keeping consistency in my values across career, health, and personal avenues of my life. Sometimes when goal setting, it's also important to re-visit your values and make adjustments as needed. I also think it's important to have goals in all divisions. I will be doing just that this week as we start to finish this chapter of life called 2010 and begin a new, exciting decade!

I look forward to continuing to share my goals and progress and hope you will continue to join me as well!

Back on track

22Dec2010, 7am Hot Yoga with Shirley Wong

23Dec2010, 11am Body Pump with Juan, 20 min. sprints on treadmill

24Dec2010, 7am Silent Hot Yoga with Martina Lee

Silence is a virtue...

Goals

"If you are at peace with yourself, home can be any place on Earth."

-- Taxi driver in Townsville, QLD Australia, 16 December 2010

He was a New Zealander, and just by judging his build and stature, likely a rugby player and perhaps with a bit of Maori. His calf muscles were as big around as my waist, and he was close to 7-foot tall. I would not have wanted to be in a scrum with this guy; yet he had the most peaceful demeanour. He also spoke fluent Mandarin because his wife was Chinese and they lived there together for at least a decade. I could picture him towering over every one of the 1.3 billion Chinese people... anyway, this was the conversation I had before arriving to a campus where I was to have my very first job interview and seminar as a new PhD... that was my morning... not bad, I'll say! I was sweating buckets, but that is no fault of my own, really. It just happens with me, but in addition to the fact that I sweat when I'm nervous, it was also 36C outside with 85% humidity. I was dressed nicely and felt professional to the point where I knew I wasn't overdressed but would still stand out a bit amongst the casual academics in their flip flops and cargo shorts. Plus, I didn't want to look like a student! I had a nice breakfast in my room earlier, a delicious room service veggie omelette with gluten free toast and a coffee, Americano style that they call a long black. Essentially, I set my morning up perfectly (for me)... in hindsight, set myself up for success.

I was a little worried about the cab ride, as I didn't have that much cash with me, and was getting toward the end of the month. I had gone a month and a half on this last pay-check, which would have normally been ok, but starting out in a new town requires double the expenses once you pay deposits and such. C'est la vie. Plus, I wasn't sure what they were paying for on my trip. It sounded like they were paying for all of my meals, but nothing was mentioned about transportation other than my airfare, and it always seemed like someone was there to pick me up and take me where I needed to be or even just on a tour of the city or campus. I just let things happen. As it turned out, they insisted on reimbursing me for the cab ride as well as any other incidentals. Phew.... was nice, but not expected.

Anyway, there is a whole lot more to report, as I did have a full day of giving my seminar, tons of interviews, followed by meetings and more the next day. I even had to "talk shop" at a BBQ that Sat. night and had a few more meetings the following Monday. It was a very long week!

I'll just say that the reason I'm mentioning all of this, the taxi ride, the breakfast, the timing, is

because this is the second time in only a few months where I overtly feel as though I actively set myself up for success. Now I didn't go into all of the preparations I made before I even left HK or the work that I did in my hotel room every night, into the wee hours of the morning to make sure that my presentation would be delivered just perfectly and that I'd know which interview questions to anticipate and have some intelligent ones to ask of my own, and that I'd know everyone I met within the Centre of Excellence as well as their background and research... I mentioned the final preparations, in the 11th hour, so to speak, the moments before my big debut as a scientist, a real scientist, PhD and all. Why did I do this... all of that preparation, the real stuff, the nuts and bolts... that's all we think about sometimes I guess. But what I've realized is how important those last few things are, the last few details that polish your work, polish your attitude, give you vibrancy and energy, give you confidence...

In this time of wrapping up 2010 and getting ready for a new year, 2011, we all start thinking about goals and where we want to be, what we want to do, etc. I think that taking care of yourself so that you are "set up" to achieve those goals is just as important. It's more than being prepared. It's about knowing yourself really well. This is an amazing feeling and comes gradually, sometimes stops for a bit, then comes a bit more...

In light of that short personal vignette and my round-about way of getting to goal-setting, I'd like to share a bit about goal-setting that I think is really well-organized. It's from a company that has set this as a priority with their staff, and I like the model a lot. For this post, it seems so appropriate, I'll start with this first step only:

1. Know thyself

To achieve goals you must be passionate about them. You will be passionate about your goals if they have meaning for you.

Consider the following:

-- What are your core values?

-- Where do you want to be in 10 years?

-- What do you want for your life?

-- What difference do you want to make in the world?

I have just achieved a HUGE career goal of my own, but that doesn't mean that I put a check mark by it and move on. I keep it on the forefront, keep checking in with myself, divide it into smaller goals, more short term, and ensure that everything I do regarding this goal is in line with the above for (1.). In addition, I ensure that my 11th hour preparations, my staging, setting up, preparing... they are all in line with (1.) as well.

I will be elaborating more on this, and refining and fine-tuning the goals that I'm keeping on my home page of this blog. I may add some smaller ones as well.

Meanwhile, what are your goals and how will you set yourself up for success?

Very temporary hiatus

10Dec10, 7am: Hot yoga with Martina Lee

11Dec10, 6pm: Hot yoga with Ocean Liang (new teacher)

12Dec10: no yoga :-(

13Dec10, 7am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

I'm a bit behind on my blog posting but that actually makes me very proud, as I'm trying to put as much as my focus as possible on the upcoming week in Australia. I have an interview

for a job that I've been working on, writing proposals for, getting long listed, medium listed, short listed, and now flown in for interviews. I have to give a seminar as well as go through the

rigours of meet-and-greet with the department and the Centre of Excellence, and so I'm trying my best to keep the blinders and and work diligently until my flight Monday night. It won't be long, and I'll be back to it, though, as I've been saving up some funny stories and a lot of deep thoughts to ponder. Until then... good-aye mate?

Dear Hong Kong...

Rant...

I am not an expert on city planning, but it seems to me that you have the potential to be even more efficient than you already are. The problems are as follows:

1. Even though you put handy arrows on the sidewalks and stairs and walkways to indicate which direction people are to be walking, no one cares. Walking in a public place in HK is like playing a real life game of Frogger. Indeed, you will dodge cars if you are not inside or underground, but most often you are dodging people and fish ball stands and people handing out flyers and people and more people and people that just stop walking and stand in one place, mid traffic... It's all become very inefficient, but it's because the arrows are not helping. Perhaps shock fences like for cattle. I would be sure to obey the right-of-way, I promise, and maybe the classical conditioning would help. After all, there are cake stands around every corner.

2. You are also proficient in signage, but maybe no one can read them or no one cares. I do see people taking photos but it's probably because you put juvenile cartoon characters on them that probably detract from the message!

3. Furthermore, everyone has headphones on. So, your announcements in all public places as to what a person should and should not be doing, go unheard. If you could find a way to tap via bluetooth into peoples' headphones to make these important announcements about how often the escalator handrail that you're supposed to be holding has been sanitized (every hour, by the way), please also tell them to stop being texting pedestrians.

4. Speaking of texting and walking, or trying to do so...

Hong Kong-ians, you try to multi-task... you try so hard... cashiers, clerks, security guards, everyone... you are all trying to do 37 things at once, but it's NOT WORKING. Even if you are walking and texting at the same time, one activity suffers and it's not the texting that suffers, believe me.

5. Finally (for now), I realized why many of you wear shoes that are too large for you, even high heels where it is super obvious. Upon attempting to buy items that come in specific sizes (clothing, for example) over the past month, I realized why this is a problem. I would bring an item to the counter or a sales associate and ask them for another size. Sometimes they would tell me something to the extent that they don't have the desired size BUT they proceed to process my transaction for the item that was either too small or too big... as if I was fine buying whatever it was that wouldn't fit because there was no other option. Well, there is another option... don't buy it! Even though it's "so cheap", which is the #1 phrase heard in English in HK, you don't have to buy it... you don't...

Ok, I feel better now... that's my rant... relatively benign but was necessary...

Efficiency

9Dec10, 7:15am: Bodypump workout with Kelvin (it's essentially a muscular endurance work-out, and I love it!)

I caught up on emails and news before 6:45am when I left my apartment (I think I'm only allowed to call it a flat if I'm British... it's called a flat here in HK, but that's probably because of the Commonwealth and previous crown rule). I got in my work-out and was at work with a one-shot iced espresso (maybe I'll lay off the triples for a bit), sitting down at my desk for a skype chat with my previous supervisor back in Vancouver by 8:55am. It was a very intense and productive 52 minutes. Then I got in a very productive day, which even included a short lunch and chat with one of my collaborators here. I'm trying to avoid dragging tasks out so much. I get it in my head that I need so much time to do something and it tends to be an enormous exaggeration, but I end up taking the entire time I allot for myself. Today, I decided to just be happy with something that is very good, but perhaps not perfect. That's what collaborators

and colleagues are for, right? Together, we help each other turn out the great works, ideas, writings, studies, conclusions, etc. No one works alone in a vacuum... not in my world, not in any world I believe. By trusting myself and looking at tasks objectively without obsessing over an image of perfection that doesn't even exist I can get things done in a timely manner and be extremely successful.

Water

In my research and career, O2 is the key to life, but for me, right now, I think my body is asking for water. I used to be really good about getting in 3-4 litres per day! I had an orange Nalgene bottle, one of the ones pre-BPA discoveries, and it was like an extra appendage. I had it with me everywhere and always. I've since upgraded to stainless steel and glass water bottles, but I'm not as vigilant. My good water drinking days were also in Vancouver, home of the best-tasting, cleanest, and healthiest tap water in all of North America, maybe the world! I don't drink the tap water in Hong Kong, period. That means I'm going against my previous principles and actually purchasing less-regulated, plastic bottled, wasteful water. However, I have been good about filling all of my bottles at work where we get the gigantic jugs of water brought in for the office water coolers and at my gym where the fountains are filtered. Maybe instead of "taking something away" from myself, such as coffee, I can work on bringing something life-fulfilling back in. I'm seeing Goal #3 evolving here.

Goal #3: I am drinking at least 3 litres of water per day.

Speaking of goals, doing really well with Goal #1: I am trying one new fitness or yoga class or teacher per week. I am also doing either one yoga class or one fitness class/work-out of some sort per day. I'm making up for the days I missed while in Taiwan, but otherwise I've been keeping a daily schedule. I have also been really enjoying the new types of classes and experiences with different teachers.

I'm not doing very well with Goal #2: Over the next 3 months, I will have lost weight such that I am 7kg lighter. By this time, I am also enjoying that my waist to hip ratio is within the normal range for my body size. I'm having some major blockage with this goal... not sure... need to think about it...

How about morning and night?

8Dec10, 8:15pm: Power Yoga with Michael Lau

I almost cancelled but who knows what next week will bring regarding fitness and yoga, and I missed a couple days last week, so why not?

It was good. I fell out of one posture but my Parivrtta Trikonasana was pretty solid again and felt good. I did notice however, that I was a bit light-headed a few times while looking up.... will keep that in mind.

Cinderella

8Dec10, 7am: Hot Yoga with Cinderella Yau

It was a good class, and I got in that really good sweat that really fuels me in the morning. A few things came up that I'll write about when I have more time, but in the meanwhile I was intrigued by my teacher, and so I'll jot down a few things to ponder...

She was the tiniest thing, very flexible, strong, but not super young. I'd say she was late 30s, maybe 40 at the most, but I find that Asians always look young until one day when they are, perhaps 87, they wake up and are a cute, old Asian man or woman. Up until that day, they look super young. Anyway, she had what appeared to be burn scars all over her upper back, shoulder, and upper chest... maybe more, but she was wearing clothing, and so I couldn't completely discern. She spoke mostly in Cantonese, but with a few words in English, appropriately placed throughout the practice. She started the practice with 3 OMs... which were not pleasant OMs when the rest of the class joined in, as they sometimes are. I prefer one OM, and often I find myself annoyed with the OM process. That's another story, though. She also made really helpful adjustments to me, and I felt good throughout the practice. Finally, her name was Cinderella... no joke.

I realize that almost everyone I meet here has a Chinese name and an English name. There is always a blank for both on all of the paperwork I've ever had to fill out over the past couple months. I've thought about putting something down for my Chinese name... what would it be? Because I know 3 words in Mandarin and 4 words/phrases in Cantonese, I don't know if that would be a good idea for me quite yet. Plus, the Chinese name is in character form (all the more reason to have an alphabetic name, especially for government forms and such), and I only know 6 characters... one, two, three, chicken, duck, and conference room. Although, I do know "thank-you" in both languages, just not the character form, neither traditional or simplified... but maybe "thank you" would be a good name for me. It got me thinking, though. When do Chinese (Asian?) people get their English names? My mentor here told me that sometimes they get to choose as adults as soon as it is necessary, which is why he knows a guy named Angel. Did Cinderella get to choose her name? If so, what drove her choice? Was this recently, or was she a young child mesmerized by the Cinderella story and content living in fantasyland as many children are? When did she get those burn marks, before or after she was called Cinderella? What's the story here?

What would I really choose if I could pick any name for myself?

Over-caffeinated

It is possible.

Even drinking only one, albeit large, Americano a day lately... I think I may have put myself over the edge and am officially over-caffeinated. I've been enjoying tea in the evenings, especially green tea, as I've found Qi Organic Fairtrade Authentic China Green Tea that tastes amazingly and fits with my values. Having a warm drink ritual can be solved this way, no problem. My issue, I think, is that I have this residual fear of not having enough caffeine in my body. Could that be it? What can I do, try to ween myself off of coffee derived caffeine? Nevermind, I know I can do that, but what is it in my head that makes me afraid of not having caffeine?

A thought I'll ponder...

Early morning vs. late nights

I've flip-flopped for a few days, I think. Several nights of staying up late and sleeping in last weekend, and now I'm still in that mode for my week... that's ok, though. I also know my body is tired, or at least it was this morning when I tried to get up, well stay up, so that I could hit the gym for a 7am work-out. I got up around 5:35am, ate breakfast and realized I was a bit ahead of schedule, and so I made the fatal mistake of lying down for a few minutes...

I woke up at 7:15am, having missed the start of my work-out, decided to go back to sleep until almost 9am, which is really sleeping in for me. I'm sort of all over the place right now anyway, Sunday night was very emotional for me, saying goodbye to Kim again, the second time in 37 days. Monday, as I mentioned, I got in a killer work-out at 7am. Then the rest of my day was stellar, especially research-wise! I am doing microscopic surgical procedures on transparent fish so that I can image their circulatory system in real-time as well as image each molecule of oxygen released from the hemoglobin protein that carries it through the blood to the working muscles that need it. I've always had it in my mind that I would like to be an excellent micro-surgeon, so to speak. I've heard a mentor of mine refer to another colleague as that, and I remember thinking that I could be that too. I've been told my sutures are better than those of medical doctors (yikes!), but that makes me very proud. Furthermore, I know that I have a precise hand and keen eyes for tiny detail. For my current research, I was having trouble with this one particular surgery for a couple weeks. I just wasn't consistent and found myself very apprehensive, often asking my colleague to take a turn just because I didn't want to mess up. Yesterday, I made up my mind that I was excellent at surgical procedures, just as I had always imagined, and that did it... I totally changed my mind-set and it really worked for me. It was a very successful, but also very long day.

Although I was absolutely beat by the time I got home Monday night, I still found myself getting a second wind, and so I did end up staying up late again. So, it really comes to no surprise that I was tired this morning (Tuesday), and I gave that to myself. I had a pretty productive day today but ended up getting in my fitness at night instead of morning...

7Dec10, 9:30pm: Hot Yoga with Michael Lau

...and now I'm wired and it's 1:30am!

My parivrtta trikonasana, or twisted triangle, this evening was my best ever, I think. Note, the photo on the right is not me, but this is how I felt! Everything else was good, but this particular asana really stood out to me, as it's a tough one, not only from the twisting perspective, as the name implies, but also from a balance perspective, and for once I feel like I really got into this posture.

I think that if I'm going to do a yoga class at night, then I need to make it a relaxing one, like Yoga Therapy or perhaps a meditation class so I can actually come straight home and veg-out before falling asleep. After hot yoga, I must take a shower, as I'm drenched... absolutely drenched. Although, that is one aspect I really, really love about hot yoga. I feel amazing after a really good sweat, but only if that was my initial intention. I don't like the nervous sweat, like when I'm about to defend my thesis or get married... I'm hoping to stave off that response next week in HOT Australia during my job interviews. But anyway, back to the scheduling... I find that if I get in an intense work-out in the morning, I'm set with tons of energy all morning and can get so much done. However, if I have to anticipate it all day, and maybe even cut my evening short to head off to the gym, I'm not as content. Although getting up from a glorious sleep is never easy, I do find that I am happy to do it for a great work-out or yoga class, as I know I will be on a roll to a productive and energetic day!

Sure, just about everything in life is fluid, schedules are fluid, preferences are fluid, but for now, in this environment, with this body and this schedule, in this city, at the risk of sounding cliche, I think I can say that I'd rather be a "morning person." Cliche aside, that reminds me of how so much of the deep thoughts that I long to elaborate upon touch on impermanence, one of the three tenets of existence in Buddhist beliefs. I am reminded of this by a discussion with a friend today, as she is thinking a lot about this particular one of impermanence, or अनिच्चा anicca. I too need to remember this, as the things that are going on for me right now for which I am not happy are, indeed, temporary and my body's way of finding a new set-point to waver around to maintain homeostasis. I will find a new balance with everything... I already am finding balance on some levels... but on other levels, I still feel like everything is very much out of balance... hang in there, self.. you can do this!

Proximal recapitulation

6Dec10, 7am: personal training with Wallace...

whoa... I got my ass kicked and handed back to me... 3x6 abs circuit with cardio in between, 3x6 arms/shoulders circuit with cardio in between, then 16 min. on treadmill doing sprints... no wonder I'm dead! It was good though... other than the morning breath of my trainer... found a way to ignore it and get a killer work-out... back to good old proximity... a topic I began discussing in a previous post and will no doubt come back to often!

I mentioned the guy sitting next to me on my flight from HKG to TPE … how our discussion was amazing, but the entire time, his face was about 100mm from me... no joke... and he had just eaten his in-flight lunch of Chinese noodles... I left it somewhat hanging because I wanted to devote some time to thinking about it... I’ll continue now…

After this experience on the plane and then lately seeing ancient Chinese artifacts and learning more and more about the history of this part of Asia, I’m reminded abouthow old this part of the world is… not just historically speaking… but spiritually, culturally… it’s something that North Americans don’t readily wrap their head around as both Canada and the U.S. are so young incomparison. I think I’m at least more familiar with European history, which makes sense, given my heritage

and ancestry. Asian history, however… a whole different cup of tea! Yesterday I saw some art from the Tang Dynasty… that’s from the 7^th century! Not only artistic masterpieces and architecture, but there is also so much history in the types of government and ruling styles, some of which we still see today, in some form or another.

Speaking of which, the guy sitting next to me on the plane enlightened me a bit. He was telling me how he was Taiwanese but that his parents were originally from mainland China but were both dead now. During the Chinese civil war, his father was a part of the KMT (Kuomintang, anti-communist army). According to Wiki, “the KMT was founded by Song Jiaoren and Sun Yat-sen shortly after the Xinhai Revolution. Later led by Chiang Kai-shek, it ruled much of China from 1928 until its retreat to Taiwan in 1949 after being defeated by the Communist Party of China (CPC) during the Chinese Civil War. There, the KMT controlled the government under a single party state until reforms in the late 1970s through the 1990s loosened its grip on power.” In the late 40s and early 50s, things were really bad with the Soviet, Korean, and Chinese (communist, cold war) involvement combined… the Korean war… and many mainland Chinese people were fleeing, either to Taiwan or Hong Kong.

This guy told me that his parents got an opportunity to get on a midnight boat to Taiwan one night about 60 years ago. I guess the father was afraid for his life, and they wanted out from communist rule. They hadn’t given birth to him yet, but they already had two daughters, one that was very young… an infant probably less than 1 year and the other was 5 years old. The catch was they couldn’t take children for fear of being discovered late in the night if a baby cried. So they planned to leave alone, this guy tells me. He remembers his father telling him stories about what it was like… his mom pacing and his eldest sister suspecting something was wrong because her mother was dressed differently that day and acting nervous. The eldest daughter was apparently very clingy and into the night she was pried out of her mother’s arms and into the arms of her auntie, never to see her mother again. The parents left their two daughters in the care of the sister… never to be seen again. In fact, this guy said that his mother literally worried herself to death over the following year. The father and this guy weren’t allowed to contact mainland to look for them until 40 years later! Still in mainland China, I’m told that neither sister is well off at all. Both were haunted by the specific event that separated them from their family but then forever because of their father’s affiliation with the KMT. Neither could marry anyone but only the lowest class Chinese citizens, which were opera singers and taxi drivers. They were shunned throughout the majority of their life for their familial association, which for one of them only lasted a mere year!

All this time, I’m getting a rich history lesson about Taiwan and how it became a haven for the Chinese and the reasons why, but this older gentleman was also pouring his heart out via his life story, most of which I will never even fathom in my entire lifetime.

I’ve been thinking about this for a few days now, almost a week, as I flew to Taiwan last Tuesday. The first thoughts that I had that afternoon were regarding proximity. For me, this was – I’m sure – one of many turning points for me in learning about myself and the fluid concepts of proximity as well as space and time. With regard to proximity, I found myself asking myself to please take in this moment, get beyond the smell of Chinese noodles, the intermittent belching, and the misty spray of someone talking very closely, the seeming “invasion of personal space”… and really listen to this man, listen with compassion… imagine how he must feel… imagine how his mother and sisters and father must have felt.

Proximity is a tough one... it makes people uncomfortable. It's not necessarily painful or harming or even inconvenient... it just touches on the idea of personal space that some of us have gotten used to having a lot of!!!! I have been in this place of uncomfortable… about so many things and for so long… Personal space is HUGE for me, and like I mentioned in my the first blog about this plane ride, is “the apex of the triangle in my opinion, and the last, hardest concept for me to understand...” I’m uncomfortable in my own skin most of the time, which has limited me endlessly. I don’t feel good being in such close proximity to a stranger (and sometimes even people I know well), which I’m sure has caused me to miss out on a lot in life, as it would have in this case. I’m not saying that by letting others be in close proximity to me, from now on, will allow me to have a richer life. What I’m thinking is that in this particular case, I acknowledged the barriers that usually prevent me from this kind of encounter and chose to put them aside. I don’t believe this always to be the solution, as I think we have barriers and warning signs that we definitely need to heed as protection. Always building walls and setting up barriers, however, is not likely the key to an enriched, loving, and fulfilling life.

Proximity… hmm...