Monday, March 28, 2011

It's part of me

I realized that I hadn't logged my yoga and fitness since 2March11; although I keep everything logged on my iCal on my laptop and iPhone. I just wanted to catch up my blog before it got even more out of hand! March has been good!

3March11, 7:15am - 8:00am Body pump

4-7March11, Malaysia with Kelly (lots of walking, stairs to temples)

8March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

9March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga with Ocean Liang

10March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

11March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga (Silent) with Martina Lee

12March11, 10:00am - 11:30am: Hot yoga, Level-1 with Shirley Wong

13March11, 9:00am - 10:00am: Hot yoga with Bernadette Leung

14March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

15March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

16March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot yoga with Martina Lee

17March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

18March11, 7:00am - 8:00am: Hot Hour (Silent) with Martina Lee

19March11, 12noon - 1pm: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

20March11, 9am - 10am: Hot yoga with Bernadette Leung

21March11, 7:15pm - 8:15pm: Hatha yoga, Level-1 with Deva Biswas

22March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

23March11, 7am - 8am: Hot yoga with Serena Chan

24March11, 7:15am - 8:00am: Body pump

25March11, 7am - 8am: Hot yoga with Martina Lee

26March11, 9am - 10am: Hot yoga with Shalon Wan

27March11, 9:30am - 2:30pm: Hiked the Maclehose trail, Needle Hill

28March11, 7am - 8am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

28March11, 7:15pm - 8:15pm: Hatha, Level-1 with Deva Biswas

Coping

I have realized this week that it IS a big deal that Kim's not coming to Asia for work after all... postponed trip has turned into canceled trip.

Why do I try to minimize things or always try to look on the bright side? This goes for things that are disappointing to me and my accomplishments. I'm afraid, that's why.

I'm afraid of the following if I "make a big deal" out of something that disappoints me:

1. I feel or am perceived as weak
2. I'm being irrational/illogical
3. I'm not considering that there are (almost) 6,999,999,999 other people in this world, most of whose lives are in whole far worse than any incident that disappoints me.
4. I feel or am perceived as never being happy
5. I'm too picky or my expectations are too high

I'm afraid of the following if I "make a big deal" out of one of my accomplishments:

1. I will be seen as bragging
2. I'm looking down on others
3. It's a distraction from the fact that I'm not making progress so that I can have more accomplishments
4. It's a reminder that I don't work hard enough
5. I'll fall next time

What is this?

The result is that I try to cover up the need to cope or the need to celebrate with other things. I cope/celebrate incorrectly (for lack of better word, I'm just going with the flow here).

Thus, I suppress and repress.

I need to take the time to acknowledge something that has disappointed me so I can allow myself to develop healthy ways to help myself feel better, talk to someone,cope, go through all of the grieving stages if necessary, etc. I need to say, I'm going to do X to cope with situation Y that has disappointed me. And, I need it to be finite. Celebrations are finite. I need to celebrate and step up my CV so that I can appropriately highlight my accomplishments on paper without sounding like I'm bragging. Maybe if I learn a technique/style for writing about oneself, then maybe I can put it into action and feel really good about it.

Connect it all... I need to connect it all!

And finally, I need not let others decide what I should be upset about or what I should celebrate. I get to do that for myself! I'm not adverse to some sympathetic cuddling or if someone throws a party though... definitely not adverse... ;-)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The world around me

What do you do when it seems as though the world is falling down around you?
GLOBALLY:
Unfortunately, this doesn't necessarily have to be understood, to date, in the metaphorical sense as in which it is usually spoken. It does seem that the world is falling down with respect to what has gone on in Japan over the last 9 days. I've been both

1. impressed

and

2. vehemently discouraged

with humankind during this catastrophe specifically (as with most all of them, actually), and this is probably a common sentiment during any global disaster. I've been impressed with what I've seen as to how the Japanese people are handling this disaster. I'm not necessarily referring to Japan's government or any regulatory group, but rather the people... the people that have been most affected. On Rachel Maddow's MSNBC evening news show, specifically during the last 5-10 min. of the show, she showed footage of a few of the rescue efforts that were most compelling (15 March 2011 episode, I podcast it on iTunes). Mind you, these were not military helicopters scooping up people, these were human chains, people carrying other people... heart warming. There has likely been more footage than I can even imagine floating around the airwaves the past week. Given that I don't have a TV with any English channels, this limits me from unintentionally seeing anything, which I think is good. I have to actively pursue it on the internet, and for that reason I go only to sources I believe to be reputable. This helps, as I don't think I could handle the other side of disaster right now, and by that I mean the propaganda, the lunacy, the fear mongering in the media and in the general public, the hate, the ignorance, the disrespect. That's the ugly side of this and I think that, regardless of how serious the potential for meltdown is at Fukushima, it will be how the world handles it that will be the tipping point, not the fact that it's happened. It's how you handle catastrophe and chaos... hmmm...

LOCALLY:
Having said all of that, what about in every day life? What happens when the (2.) latter description (vehement disappointment) overshadows the (1.) first description (impressed) in your daily routine? I have what I call IHHK (I Hate Hong Kong, not I HEART Hong Kong, as the image to the left portrays... I have those days too, though!) days, and the frequency of these days occurring is roughly 3 days per week lately. Sure, I have IHHK moments, but when I have a full IHHK day, I worry. Can I liken it to sitting in front of the TV watching Fox News -- or some other right-wing, conservative, fear-mongering media conglomerate -- mindlessly letting them fill my head and heart with whatever they think is going on or whatever they think is important? So, in a sense, I'm letting the parts of the outside world -- in this case Hong Kong and it's residents, language, culture -- shape me, and determine my perception of the world and myself. Granted, there are aspects of the culture here that I like, but the ones I do not like are more numerous and profound for me. So, it does seem, often, that the world, not just on a global scale, when disaster strikes, but also on a local scale when immersed in a different country and culture, is falling down around me.

PERSONALLY:
I can look at my yoga classes to see this resonates on a more personal level too. Of course, yoga is my great metaphor of life! So, I could rephrase the question that I posed at the beginning of this blog.

What do you do when the rest of the yoga students in your class are falling down around you?

Sometimes, I fall too. Lately, I've been falling a lot and not necessarily because I'm pushing myself to the outer periphery of my virtual capacity and abilities in my yoga practice. I'm falling because I'm distracted. I'm paying attention to other people's issues and challenges, the limits of their abilities, their perceived weaknesses, etc. rather than my own. Sometimes I pass judgement too. I think to myself, "wow, if they would have only listened to the step-by-step instructions of the teacher, instead of rushing, they'd have at least made some progress in the posture" or maybe even "they aren't even trying." Then I fall. It's only when I come back to my intentions, bridge my ego with my intentions (topic for my next post I promise), centre myself, draw awareness to my core, an focus my gaze that I am in my own balance again. Sometimes this is impossible for me until that final Shivasana.

For example, today I practiced hot yoga with Bernadette Leung. During the practice, some lady
one or two mats away from me was burping or making some sort of pig snort for the entire hour, and not just one every 10 min. or so, literally several sounds per minute! It was so loud and so guttural, I was horrified! While usually I would just acknowledge that "WTF?" thought bubble that is perpetually above my head, today it disappeared and all I could do was get really angry about it. It was affecting me and my practice and offending me personally. The thoughts that entered my thought bubble, hence pushing the benign "WTF?" out of there, included but were not limited to the following:

"What on earth did you eat?"

"Do you realize how loud you are?"

"Your burping is making you fall out of every posture!"

"I can't see any of your knuckles or joints, do you have chronic edema... and again, what do you eat that makes your body respond this way?"

"Is yoga part of the solution? If so, that's fine, but maybe a private class is a better idea."

I either wanted to ask her what was wrong or exclaim "jing dee!!" I looked around, and it didn't seem as though the other 50 students were even as close to being as affected as I was, however.

Ok, so what is wrong with me then? There were several times when I regained my focus and was able to ignore the disturbance. There was no acceptance, however... during those times, I was just ignoring... ignorance? Ignorance is bliss? What does this all mean in the grand scheme of things, though? If I were to use the "just ignore it" or "ignorance" tactic for the LOCAL and GLOBAL examples above, what would that look like? NOT GOOD! As I mentioned, it's hard enough in a full, sweaty, technically challenging yoga class to acknowledge and regain your focus and go back to your core strength and deep-rooted knowledge with every little disturbance you experience. That's a daily challenge, and some are better at it than others.

Indeed, we're all at different stages of our journeys. When the disturbance gets so profound, maintaining our centre is more difficult. Fighting fire with fire isn't the answer either though. LOCALLY, if that were the case, during my daily commute, I'd intentionally step on peoples toes, push and shove, talk really loudly on my phone, burp without covering my mouth, eat really stinky food while slurping it loudly... the list goes on. On a PERSONAL level, if fighting fire was the case during my yoga class, I'd stomp loudly and slam the door when entering the studio, I'd drop my water bottle and not think a thing about it, and instead of burping 3 times
per minute for an hour, maybe I'd pass gas from the other end just as frequently to add the smell component to the situation. Although, maybe I already have a strange smell to me, as Asians say Westerners smell like cheese. Would it have been the same if someone was farting 3 times per minute for the entire class? I'd die to be a fly on the wall of that yoga studio (with a clothes pin on my nose, of course). Finally, we all know what it looks like when fire is fought with fire on a GLOBAL scale. It is not usually productive over the long term and can usually heighten catastrophe and chaos. That's definitely NOT how Japan is dealing with things in my mind, which is good and a relief. What I see is the workers of Fukushima Daiichi doing what they know to be the right response protocol, using every resource they have and all of the safety training under their belt to make sure that the situation does not get worse. Meanwhile the brilliant engineers are using all of their knowledge, a collective intelligence that could never be quantified, to come up with short-term and long-term solutions so that not only the area but the entire country and Asia, for that matter, stays safe. They are learning and will continue to learn a ton from this, no doubt, and likewise for the rest of the world. Indeed, there have been some amazing scientists interviewed on TV (several on Rachel Maddow's show) and radio that have informed the general public as to the ins and outs of this disaster from their scientific perspective, but in lay man's terms, which is crucial. Again, they are leaning on their core strength, which is their education and capacity to educate others... not fear.

So, what's to be said from all of this? I've outlined my current and timely thoughts and examples for what happens when the distracted and panic buttons are pushed on a GLOBAL, LOCAL, and PERSONAL scale. If yoga is the metaphor for my life, and what Bernadette said in class today:

"Your yoga practice is an outward expression of who you are."

rings true, then that is the most important lesson I can learn right now. My annoyance and anger and frustration today... that is not who I am... the core strength, focus, education, intelligence, foresight, and intentional actions that I had a few glimpses of this morning... that's me, and not just in yoga, but also in every day life. Namaste नमस्ते...

Thoughts?


Monday, March 14, 2011

So behind... or am I?

I am longing to blog, to write, to think, to focus on my thoughts and funnel them into a collection medium of some sort. So why don't I set aside the time to do it? Why am I so distracted? I have spring fever I know. I realized that yesterday while sitting on a patio having such an incredibly thought-provoking conversation with a fiction (non-fiction inspired fiction, I'd call it) author (friend of a friend who was also there and engaged in the convo) called Adrian Tilley sipping a glass of pinot grigio. Well I can't say I'm not thinking or even communicating my thoughts, as I am... maybe even more than usual. I had some really engaging dialogue with Fanny while having a fantastic brunch at my favourite Life Cafe in Soho and then again with both Adrian and Fanny on aforementioned patio. I had a fantastic meeting on Saturday with my supervisor -- fish physiologist and comparative physiologist extraordinaire, and while generous and fun to be around can be kind of a big-headed, insensitive guy sometimes -- along with my collaborator who is visiting here for a year from the University of Xiamen. So, it was a really great weekend for communication, and I came off of both days, Saturday and Sunday, feeling really positive and articulate. Take note, I came out of my science-based meeting on Saturday feeling SMART!

Actually, I have had some incredible conversations over the past few weeks... too many examples to even name, perhaps, now that I am trying. The experiences that are most profound
centred around my visit with Kelly. She is my very, very good friend... I
call her my soul sister, was in town visiting for 2 weeks (see last post on Maintaining). I would say that we had several opportunities where inspiration was inescapable, and the mood fostered some great dialogue. For one, we spent a day on Lantau Island to see some fishing villages as well as the world-famous Tian Tan Buddha, the largest outdoors free-standing buddha in the world. I challenge the person that isn't inspired by at least a bit when hiking up to a buddha that stands 25m and is surrounded by some of the most beautiful tropical vegetation and seascapes you could imagine. This photo is actually my own... yes... it is that incredible!

Then we took a side trip to Malaysia for a long weekend. Of course we were traveling together, which elicits some interesting conversation regardless, but we were also in several situations where thoughts came up that may not have under other circumstances. We tried new food, we learned a couple words of a new language (Malay), and of course we saw new countryside and experienced new cultural traditions. There was a moment at the Sri Mariamman Hindu temple in town where music was playing and we were both nearly in tears, as it was so beautiful. On another day, we took an hour-trip out of the city centre to see the world's tallest Murugan
statue situated in front of the gorgeous Batu caves, an all encompassing Hindu place of worship, solace, comfort, inspiration (see photo to the right, also my photo!). Murugan is perhaps the most popular Tamil Hindu deity of all, which says a lot because Hindus have so many deities! There is a long-standing thought that Hindus "worship" 330 million gods, which makes Christians and those from other monotheistic faiths not too happy. I don't think they'd be called gods, for one... deities more appropriate. And many scholars will argue that there is no way they could even have named 330 million! Have you seen the names to some of these? Lots of letters! I've read that the number 330 million was simply used to give a symbolic expression to the fundamental Hindu doctrine that "God" lives in the hearts of all living beings, which is most beautiful. Furthermore, I think this is an ideology that most can appreciate, respect, and embody regardless of professed faith/religion or lack thereof... if everyone just took a moment to really think about it. As you can imagine, Kelly and I were compelled (at one point in particular) to discuss how we were completely, 100%, and thoroughly overwhelmed with how vast the Hindu faith is and how neither of us knew even an ounce of it.

I guess I've been blogging in my head... definitely about the past two or three weeks of life-altering, once in a lifetime experiences. I have had some really interesting thoughts about yoga and other life happenings as well, one of which has led me on perhaps a wild goose chase to find a sculpture of the chin mudra... I'll save that for another post.

Regardless of the schedule I keep, I am, right now, at this moment realizing how freeing and exhilarating it is to take everything from my head (crazy place) and make some sense of it on the screen or a page. Thank you for inspiring me... for your comments (keep 'em coming, they FUEL ME!!!)... and for your support!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Maintaining

Ah, it's been a while since my last post, at least a week. One of my closest friends in the world is visiting me here in HK from Vancouver, and she's staying with me in my tiny flat. Actually, it's been going incredibly smoothly! I had no doubt we'd pick up where we left off, friendship-wise, but I was worried about the logistics.

1. My place is literally 100 sq. ft. and my bed is barely a double bed.
2. Hong Kong is a crazy place for a seasoned traveler, let alone to a traveler new to Asia.
3. My work is crazy right now, and so I'm needing to keep up a bit of a regular work schedule.
4. But I want to go out and enjoy HK with her, and we planned a trip to Kuala Lumpur too.
5. I knew we'd be eating out for meals quite often.
6. I also knew that I may not be able to stick to my exercise and yoga schedule as closely as I do normally.

But life can be hard under "steady-state conditions", if I can use that phrase. We know this and are constantly, through our own personal process of checks and balances, aiming to maintain some sort of equilibrium state in our physical bodies, our overall physical health, our mental health, our mental capacity, our relationships, etc. When our equilibrium states are interrupted through either good or bad happenings, we are truly tested in our ability to be resilient. Having a friend visit is a very good interruption, and I'm happy to say that I've been able to maintain a lot of my routine while still truly enjoying our time together and exploring Hong Kong and soon Kuala Lumpur together. Aside from the weekends, I've been doing yoga or fitness every day, and last weekend, we did a bit of light hiking/walking and some silly bicycling. I'm not drinking enough water, I know, but I'm working on it. I'm eating a lot more, but I'm not intentionally eating after 10pm. Although it has happened a few times, I'm ok with it. And, I'm still hammering through most of my responsibilities at work. I can't start any new experiments right now, and so I am just powering through some writing. Finally, Kelly is a very clean and organized person too, and so she's been really great about keeping my flat organized with both of us living there, almost on top of each other! All in all, it's not just about maintaining a schedule or routine but teaching your mind and body to be resilient, allowing other models or schedules to work from time to time. Finally, there has to be some acceptance... that's toughest for me...

Thoughts for the day:
How do you alter your routines under non-steady state conditions?
How do you bounce back or embrace resilience?
What is the difference between acceptance and excuses?

Keeping up...
13Feb11, 9am: Hot yoga with Keiki To
14Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau
15Feb11, 7:15am: Bodypump with Luis
16Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Shirley Wong
17Feb11, 12:30pm: Bodycombat with Anna
18Feb11, 7am: Silent hot yoga with Martina Lee
19Feb11, 1pm: Bodycombat with Kelvin
20Feb11, 11:30am: Power yoga with Michael Lau
21Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Cinderella Yau
22Feb11, 7:15am: Bodycombat with Luis
23Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Ocean Liang
24Feb11, 7:15am: Bodycombat with Kelvin
25Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau
26Feb11: walking up to temples and monasteries, bicycling Plover Cove
27Feb11: walking Lantau Island
28Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau
1March11, 7:15am: Bodypump with Luis
2March11, 7am: Hot yoga with Shirley Wong