Weaknesses, what to do with them?

Thoughts from yoga on Saturday 19Feb2011… when do we work on our weaknesses?

I’m thinking of today’s practice where I was progressing to reach a difficult posture, the twisted half-moon pose, Parivrtta Ardha Chandrasana. However, it could have been any difficult posture now that I think about it. This one in particular was hard for me because it consisted of both a binding/twisting element and a significant element of balance. I have always felt that balancing (in the physical sense) is one of my strengths, but still enough of a challenge to require me to dedicate a lot of focus and feel the burn in my body. To add another element that is very difficult (for me) like a bind/torso twist, creates for a tough few minutes. The odd day I reach one of these postures successfully (in my mind, which is sometimes just without falling) I find myself really relying on the component of the posture that is my strength. It is as if I use that strength to work on the other components that are difficult. Sometimes I may be hanging there by a thread, i.e. barely keeping it all together. This may not be the time to work on (the weaker component) twisting my torso even more than it already is. Perhaps my teacher approaches me, however, and braces me while he or she guides my torso into more of a twist. The support is there, and I feel like I’m safe to twist further while maintaining my strong balance because I know that I have the support. It may be that if they let go, I can hold for 2 more seconds, but it also may be that I topple over immediately. My point is that when we are already overwhelmed and overloaded with a lot going on in our lives, much of which may even be considered things we do well, but overloaded nonetheless, it may not be the time to work on our weaknesses. Or, it may require the strong support of friends and family to brace us, hold us to create a safe space for us to reach a bit without immediately toppling over.

There is a school of thought that suggests focusing on your strengths and making them stronger rather than trying to become better well rounded (i.e. making your weaknesses into strengths). I have to agree with this for the most part. If I stay with the yoga metaphors, I know that I can improve my ability to twist my torso and contortion my body into some of the binds and postures that require a great deal of flexibility. However, I will never be able to call these my strengths. Cue gasp. I know. I just said “never” and in a physical/exercise sense. But really, I have a great deal of muscle mass, especially in my legs that prevent me from doing some of these things to the extent that others may be able to do. Also, keep in mind that I’m in cases

with 60 Chinese women (and a few men). No one forgets the famous “Chinese Acrobats” that toured the world. I digress. While sometimes it is a pain to have such muscular legs, for example when buying pants and jeans, I am happy to have such a strong body. If this is the potential that Mother Nature gave me, I will make sure I recognize it and focus on my physical strength as my strength. My strong legs allow me other “strengths” as well, such as in the aforementioned example, balance. And maybe, this strength allows me to work on those weaknesses a bit, not to perfect them per se but merely to make the posture work as best as I can.

Can I apply this to my life, to my “whole self weaknesses” so to speak? Mind you, I do not aim to abolish this list of weaknesses. As odd as it may be to say, they are a part of me, part of who I am, part of what makes me funny and special. The key for me may be remembering my strengths, more than ever, like my strong legs for example… I cannot forget my strong legs, as they are the biggest muscles on my body, they make up over half of my height and weight, and they take me places, literally. So why not let my strong legs help me with the other things? Then, if I am finding myself in a position where I am overwhelmed, a really tough combination of strengths and weaknesses, such that even my strong legs can’t even get me through, can I rely on my friends, family, and colleagues to support me while I refine the weakness to achieve the metaphorical yoga posture? If that support system is not available, I must rely on my strengths to “get me though” even if it means that the outcome won’t be perfect, at least my strengths will always radiate from me.

I think I need to put together a succinct list of my strengths just as I’ve done here with my weaknesses. These lists can go side-by-side, as they should!

Weaknesses

While I can be She-Ra or Superwoman in the gym or in academic or health situations, I have my kryptonite. There is quite a bit of value to doing this.

My Weaknesses…

I am self-critical.

I can be easily overwhelmed.

I am very sensitive to noise, people that are noisy.

I have a really hard time with my body image.

I get caught up on details, often missing the big picture.

I get stuck in my head and generate negative thought processes.

I can convey judgment or disapproval to others.

I often feel that I have to prove myself to others.

I am very much weakened when I’m lonely or ill.

I can bring others down when I’m in a bad mood.

I can easily feel inadequate, and it stifles my progress.

I can be late, which makes people have to wait on me.

I hold myself to a very high standard and expect perfection.

Momentum

I had an interesting and relevant realization in yoga last Saturday (I think it was, not that it matters). We were doing the posture where you are laying on your stomach and you bend your knees and reach back and grab your ankles (sitting bow, Dhanurasana). So, essentially only your pelvis is touching the mat, and your back is arched and your shoulder blades are coming together. This is a tough asana for me because I find that it puts a lot of pressure on my gut, which isn't pleasant if I've just eaten (which is often the case), but I also know it's very good for digestion and so I embrace nonetheless. Furthermore, I am usually quite close to the mirror, and so I obsess over the symmetry of this posture, as I find my right shoulder starts creeping upward and it drives me nuts. I've been liking the posture a lot more lately, though, which is odd because I see it as this devil-ish challenge, this asana that I just can't perfect.

It is easy to rock back and forth in this one, in a head to toe direction, and that definitely

massages the lower abdomen. However, last Saturday, my teacher suggested we rock side to side. Wow is that ever hard! I was having a ridiculous time doing this, while trying to maintain perfect symmetry. Then, as almost if my teacher was looking directly at me and reading the thought bubble that was hovering over my head, she said "let go of some of that control, and the momentum will come, and the momentum will increase naturally... use that momentum..." I did it. Screw symmetry, I let it go and rocked side to side, seemingly effortlessly. And when it was time to stop, it was no problem, I just slowed down and let the energy transfer to the next posture I was about to do. Hmm...

momentum = trust, direction, and intention

I know this is not the physics-based definition of momentum, which is essentially the product of mass and velocity. I could have fun with that one too, but this definition is mine, and it works!

Today's yoga class was so different, however. I quickly realized that my only goal was to get through it and give it my all. Of course, I thought it was going to be a typical Hot Hour Yoga class, not unlike my usual classes every day or so, but I had a different teacher today. While I know I've had yoga with Shalon Wan before, it was probably back in November, and therefore I don't think I remembered that her classes DO NOT stick to this rule:

My class was almost entirely in Cantonese! I know I've spoken of this before, but those were usually much smaller classes. This class was >60 students, and I was the only white woman. There was a white man... so just the two of us! The funny thing is that she would say a few things in English such as

1. numbers

2. inhale/exhale

I was thinking alright already, those are the words I actually know in Cantonese! I've been learning my numbers at various LUCKY DRAW at banquets and holiday parties, and I've learned "cupp-hay" 吸气 and "foo-hay" 呼气 or inhale and exhale because of yoga!

And then I lost it... laughing! The other thing she said in English during the entire hour was while we were standing at the top end of the mat, feet together, and she said right knee up (and then tons of Cantonese, probably at least 30 words) step back (and tons more Cantonese) foot at least 2 metres apart (and tons of Cantonese) .... 2 metres!!! 2 metres?????? She wanted our feet 2 metres apart??? I lost it and literally LOL laughed out loud! So, that was the start to my Saturday. I couldn't hardly stay annoyed with the class despite the lack of understanding, I made it through just fine and sweat like crazy.

Other than Friday, I'm still doing well on track with my fitness, my eating, and my water is getting a bit better. I also know that I've lost at least 7 lbs. since my body composition analysis back in November!!

5Feb11, 10am: Tai Chi and Pilates

6Feb11, 9am: Hot yoga with Bernadette Leung

7Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Michael Lau

8Feb11, 8:30pm: Bodypump with Anna

9Feb11, 7am: Hot yoga with Shirley Wong

10Feb11, 7pm: Anusara mixed yoga* with Michael Lau

11Feb11, stayed up too late the night before for morning yoga and busy day :-(

12Feb11, 9am: Hot yoga with Shalon Wan

*During this class, I did a few postures very well for the first time, namely side crow (Parsva Bakasana), which is one I've struggled with a few times, but I got it. Another was actually a sequence, Bakasana (regular crow) into Chataranga Dandasana (push-up position) in one move... very hard, but I got it!!

Calming down for the night

While I've been aiming to go to bed at or before midnight during the week, this is hard for me for many reasons:

1. The majority of my friends and family are waking up at this time because they are in different time zones, and I typically have my computer on and connected to every form of social media with which I associate.

2. I have a lot of things I want to do with my waking hours.

3. My brain (as a result?) is running faster than the speed of light and bombarded with thoughts from all aspects of my life, responsibilities, interests, intrigues, etc.

I found this post on a blog that I follow called Elephant Journal that I thought was particularly interesting. The blogger started off by saying "In spite of all the yoga and all the benefits that it brings, I succumb to insomnia from time to time." I hear you!!! I think I will integrate one or a combination of these suggestions into my pre-midnight ritual. The candle one is VERY interesting! Thoughts?

Inner strength

1Feb11, 7am Hot flow yoga with Martina Lee

2Feb11, 7:15am Bodypump with Kelvin

3Feb11, 12:30pm Bodycombat with Kelvin

4Feb11, 4:15pm Hip-opening hot yoga with Bernadette Leung

21 days of logging water consumption and I seem to be stuck at 2 containers per day, which is 1600mL... what to do? How can I get myself to drink more water?

21 days of eating all of my meals and snacks prior to 10pm!!! This makes me very happy!

Ok, well after Thursday's fitness that consisted mostly of some pretty intense Muay Thai boxing, I know I have some pretty fierce physical strength. However, as my devoted readers (all 4 of you) know, I've been focusing quite heavily on my inner strengths this past week or two.

In my post a few days ago -- Continuing the theme of strengths -- I started delving into the four domains of leadership, in other words, the needs of those that look to you (me) for leadership. This lead me to commit to the long Strengths Finder program so that I could weed through all of the "I like doing this" and "I tend to lose track of time while doing that" blah, blah, blah, and put my interests and passions into five simple words that I believe define my strengths. So I wanted to spend some time writing about what each "strength" means so that I can learn more about what it means to me. Furthermore, I wanted to eventually integrate the perceptions of some of the closest people in the world to me regarding my strengths, especially in light of finishing the last interview that I committed to doing (the one with my sister... it was sooo good!) for Susanne Conrad's program.

So here are some general statements about each of these strengths that have been associated with me through this process. Interestingly, many are bang-on with me in my mind and many are almost verbatim from responses I heard from my friends and family during the interviews.

Within the "Executing" domain:

Apparently nothing... I'm going to have to surround myself with people who can actually do the work! I laugh because in some sense, this is very true. I have great ideas and can get them rolling but really rely on a good team to keep that ball rolling! The fact that I see myself relying on a "team" is not congruent with a few other aspects of my strengths below, however.

Within the "Influencing" domain:

1. Activator

• comfortable telling other individuals stories about personal habits, qualities, experiences, or background

• forthcoming by nature, which may help others easily share their thoughts and feelings

• can make some people feel valued by listening carefully to what they are saying, may refer to one of their key thoughts or questions later

• instinctively pinpoint and acknowledge the grand ideas that people share

• able to listen to others talk about their unique interests, talents, backgrounds, experiences, strengths, limitations, goals, or fears

• enjoy discovering an individual’s style of thinking, learning, working, playing, problem solving, or studying

• driven by talents, can perform well individually, but need to stay busy

• typically want to start working as soon as a plan has been made, and delays are frustrating

2. Maximizer

• efficiency is key
• reject using a one-size-fits-all approach when attempting to influence people to take action and rather will spend time to discover each person’s special talents, skills, knowledge, mission, likes, and dislikes
• personalize words and deeds
• select projects, assignments, or tasks where talents are best utilized to produce outcomes
• seek opportunities to work independently with the realization that more progress can often be made when working alone
• very aware of strengths and weaknesses and trust instincts in this regard
• able to make immense progress because of reliance on talents
• confidence is important and won't be lost by trying to tackle tasks without the proper talents even with relevant knowledge, skills, or experience in hand
• often forge ahead to build the life they envision and reach goals by finding as many opportunities as possible to use their unique abilities and natural gifts

Within the "Relationship Building" domain:

3. Harmony

• periodically insist on dealing with certain types of tasks right away because doing so makes sense

• practical, may want everyone to follow established guidelines, regulations, or standard operating procedures and can be irritated when people do not or demand special treatment

• can become irritated when one or two individuals create their own way of doing things

• thinks like a scientist or a detective, searching for clues, isolating facts, and solving mysteries and uses this information to make people aware of the way things really are

• can easily help others put aside their biases, misconceptions, prejudices, or emotions

• can prevent arguments from ruining relationships
• thrilled when people acknowledge practical, realistic, and straightforward style of thinking
• deals evenhandedly with everyone involved in a project, probably realizing that misunderstandings will be kept to a minimum, and others rely on this
• good feelings come when teammates, coworkers, classmates, friends, or family members are behave respectfully and work cooperatively due to your efforts
• practical and realistic when processing ideas
• appreciate projects with simple steps or defined starting and stopping points
• often test ideas with experts for validation
• attracted to situations where high quality results can be produced
• a realist

4. Individualization

• often participate in meetings with individuals who are trying to set their goals
• ask questions or make suggestions that help to define clear objectives
• help people to identify their performance targets
• assist people in fascinating predicaments
• aid others asking help with an intriguing problem, unanswered question, or unfamiliar subject and are delighted to report discoveries and conclusions
• often aid certain individuals by making recommendations, suggesting changes, or providing advice.
• assist certain individuals by sharing with them acquired information, mastered skills, or personal experiences
• often a good instructor, tutor, or trainer
• very forthcoming when asked impressions about a particular person, event, or situation

Within the "Strategic Thinking" domain:

5. Learner

• often prefers individual performances, especially when mental or physical energies can be directed toward intriguing tasks
• thirsts for information
• can often generate ideas or devise several techniques to do something you already do well even better
• needs questions to be answered and to stay well informed about topics that affect you personally or professionally
• likes being bombarded with facts, data, and/or explanations because receiving only bits and pieces of information raises your level of anxiety, suspicion, or frustration
• it is upsetting when individuals forget or refuse to tell you something you think you have a right or a need to know
• enjoy sharing your point of view with certain individuals who ask, “What do you think?”
• often enroll in difficult or demanding classes.
• likes activities that specifically expand knowledge or challenge thinking styles about certain things

Ok, well all of this work and here it is, boiled down to five words, albeit with rather lengthy descriptions.

When asked, my friends and family said my key strengths were as follows:

"your attitude toward life that takes you places"

"you’re such a positive person"

"

very thoughtful in the sense that you think of others but you also think about other sorts of life issues"

"very strong-minded (you know what you want, what you need, what you should/shouldn’t do and you stick to that)"

"your ability to think, think like a scientist"

"you’re smart and your brain is quick"

"you are able to do so many things, even if not all at once, but in a week you’ll have gotten so much done… over the course of various areas of your life, work, friends, personal growth, interesting things, creative things"

"highly productive person"

"you always think about other people"

"you always have good intentions"

"how much you can accomplish in a short period of time"

"time management"

"d

etermination"

"very dedicated and

persistent"

"a very hard worker"

"passionate, putting everything into whatever project you’re working on"

"very intelligent"

"insanely caring and thoughtful"

"organized, high value of education"

"intelligence level is very high"

"dedication to your family"

"

persistency and determination"

"determination with school"

"you’re well-rounded and have a lot of different interests"

"you like to be educated and caught-up on issues that are important to you"

"you’re very good at teaching, explaining things to someone so anybody can understand them"

"unconditional love, you hold your relationships very high, probably higher than anything in your life, that’s the most important thing to you, your relationships and maintaining them, and that’s not easy to do"

Some of it is UNCANNY! So, you (my devoted readers... are there five of you now?) may be thinking, what's the point of this exercise and why are you telling me all about your strengths. Well, for one, I'm sure you can appreciate that I want to be the best me that I can. This requires being both a student and a professor in my own world. This is an exercise in learning more about myself yes, but writing about it and explaining it puts me in the professor's chair too. We all know that being able to explain something requires us to know it THAT much more; thus being a professor makes me an even better student. Secondly, I (and many other people on this planet) often get caught up in this crazy headspace with this script of who I think I am, e.g. not good enough, not working hard enough, not smart, lazy, blah, blah, blah, blah negatives with an occasional superlatives thrown in there every now and then. However, I know this kind of script is not going to permit me to change the world for the better! But yes, I admit, I thought that my friends' and family's answers were far more generous than I'd ever be with myself. In this case, however, we are encouraged to TAKE THE UPGRADE! What viewpoint is going to make the difference in this world... the crazy ones that enter my head from time to time? NO! The way the world (my friends and family and coworkers) sees me and is influenced by me is how I'm going to change the world. So, it's time to start seeing the contributions I make with my unique combination of strengths, even if I have to see them through the eyes of those closest to me for a little while. Lastly, I will let this be the framework to becoming a really great leader.

To be continued...