Monday, March 28, 2011


I have realized this week that it IS a big deal that Kim's not coming to Asia for work after all... postponed trip has turned into canceled trip.

Why do I try to minimize things or always try to look on the bright side? This goes for things that are disappointing to me and my accomplishments. I'm afraid, that's why.

I'm afraid of the following if I "make a big deal" out of something that disappoints me:

1. I feel or am perceived as weak
2. I'm being irrational/illogical
3. I'm not considering that there are (almost) 6,999,999,999 other people in this world, most of whose lives are in whole far worse than any incident that disappoints me.
4. I feel or am perceived as never being happy
5. I'm too picky or my expectations are too high

I'm afraid of the following if I "make a big deal" out of one of my accomplishments:

1. I will be seen as bragging
2. I'm looking down on others
3. It's a distraction from the fact that I'm not making progress so that I can have more accomplishments
4. It's a reminder that I don't work hard enough
5. I'll fall next time

What is this?

The result is that I try to cover up the need to cope or the need to celebrate with other things. I cope/celebrate incorrectly (for lack of better word, I'm just going with the flow here).

Thus, I suppress and repress.

I need to take the time to acknowledge something that has disappointed me so I can allow myself to develop healthy ways to help myself feel better, talk to someone,cope, go through all of the grieving stages if necessary, etc. I need to say, I'm going to do X to cope with situation Y that has disappointed me. And, I need it to be finite. Celebrations are finite. I need to celebrate and step up my CV so that I can appropriately highlight my accomplishments on paper without sounding like I'm bragging. Maybe if I learn a technique/style for writing about oneself, then maybe I can put it into action and feel really good about it.

Connect it all... I need to connect it all!

And finally, I need not let others decide what I should be upset about or what I should celebrate. I get to do that for myself! I'm not adverse to some sympathetic cuddling or if someone throws a party though... definitely not adverse... ;-)


  1. I am SO sorry to hear that Kim's trip has been cancelled. =( I know how much you want to see each other and be together. It's not too much longer until your trip back is it?...

  2. Thanks Hethyr... it does make it more difficult to deal with the frustrating moments here... knowing that she was on her way for another visit made things easier. But, as cliche as it is, distance does make the heart grow fonder... we feel so solid right now, which is amazing! 24May will come very fast! Meanwhile, I have tons of work to do!!!